Friday, December 30, 2011

someone like him

In age we start to understand


Bertahun-tahun I marahkan him.I blamed him for everything.Well,I terima ketentuan ini even it's hard.Bila bersalah dng Tuhan,bersujudlah memohon keampunan dariNya kerana Dia maha pengampun dan bila bersalah sesama manusia,pergila pd that person and begged for the forgiveness.But it's hard for me to said that difficult word.It's hard to say I'am sorry.I left him for Bang Hj and Ash.Dasar stupid!

And today,i heard that he's finally found the right women and about to settle down gitu.Wyh suddenly I jealous tak memasal ye?When I left him dulu sangat la tragedy ok then when I menikah dng Ash,separuh gila him jadinya.Sentap i tau.Is it because that am sewel?Then ntah mcm mana boleh pulak I teringat his birthday was 3 days ago.I pon apa lagi kan,grabbed my phone and text him.Almost a year juga I tak kawan him cause one of my desperate janda friends yg dahagakan kote jantan telah menyampaikan rumoured melaga-lagakan both of us.

Biah:happy belated birthday.the excitment already gone

Him:tq

What the karut wishes?Sure la he's confuse dng cakap-cakap merapu I itu.Excitment apa kejadahnya?Ok la,I jealous because my marriage was a disaster.Because am not happy with my life.Because am regret.Menyesal I tinggalkan him dulu.That time I memang hangin satu body dng him,yes memang la ada issue between us kan if not I won't simple left him after 10 years becinta bagai nak rak.If I menikah dng him sure I tak menderita body and soul like now,at least I still can have my own space:bergossip dng Tipah and the comolot friends,bershopping mcm org gila,spend more times dng my family and banyak lagi la but sadly it's too little too late for me.I can't unbreak his heart.I suck!I miss u boo(his current gf call him "bubu")


I do believed that love could last for a lifetime

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Broken Wings

If I love myself,I love u
If I love u,I love myself

I have so much things to tell today,ye la after berhari hari idak meng update kan.Well,mood I adalah half happy half upset,sulky and grumpy gitu.

1.I'am happy because:i just came back from Portugal.Kelas khenn...Nak tayang all the pictures in this blog tak boleh pulak ye.Even tak berduit I kuatkan juga semangat ronggengan I just because of Tipah and The Comolot Friends yg berbulan2 lamanya duk arrange this trip.Cukup cukup je duit makan minum.No shopping shopping like bersama Bang Hj dulu but am felt extremely happy cause finally dapat juga I spending some quality time with my best friend forever and the best part is my dear Ash tak hade bersama2.So damn peace gitu and until now I still can't believe it,mimpi apa?Mcm mana la Ash agree melepaskan I went away with my bbf.Dan pulangnya I dari vocation itu,Ash pun start the action.Dibentak2 dan diherdik2nya bini yg masih ber syndrome jet lag itu sesuka hati makpak him.End up I cried a river mlm2 buta in the bathroom.

2.Enough about the trip,I was crying a lot for past 4 days ago.Penat I memikirkan about this whole marriage episodes.Rasa mcm nak minum clorox pon ada ni.I know that Ash will never going to be just like what I want cause it too difficult for him to change his huduh perangai just because of me.For him,no matter what,I need to accept him unconditionaly(my ass).Dasar jantan asshole!If I attend krav maga,tahu la I nak handle this man.

3.Kesedihan yg entah bila nak habis itu terbawa2 even in my sleeps.Then start la drama rindu tak sudah to my late daughter.Little Zara.How I wish I could hold her in my arm and kissing her red cheeks.Mommy missing u so much sayang.May be it's better to haven't one than to see the one die.

4.Bang Hj called me when I was in Portugal that day,katanya he also bercuti and berkongkek sakan in Penang with the menopause binik and the kids then boleh fulak this Abg Hj questions I macam2.P dng sapa?Awat p tak habaq him?Huhh,ni yg buat I hangin ni.I told him that I p with my ex-bf yg 2x14 tak guna just like him and even in my dreams sekali pon I tak hengen p dng him.But I can't lie to myself,every places that I was visited there,reminding me of him.The unconditional love and the heartbreaking words.Cinta yg menghancukan segala kebahagiaan I until today.

Never mind I've found someone like u,Bang Hj...

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Entry pendek/fundek:Meroyan

Before i pulang ke Kuala Lumpur that day Abg Hj telah meng sms i:

Keja kosong kat dotdot company as Enterpreneur Management Associate.Interview next week on Tuesday.pls email your resume to Cik Aleesha,Asst Director.

He called me during lunch hour and asking me mcm pak polisi gitu about the interview.When i told him that i didn't attend pon then apa lagi of course la this Abg Hj bengang.Sudah dibagi job opportunities boleh fulak i ignored begitu saja.Ni yg buat i hangin satu body about this Hj.Bertahun2 lamanya baru la ni he's kunon2 concerns dengan my problem.Carikan keja segala,kunon2 hero la kaedahnya.Excuse me Bang Hj if u jujur ikhlas suci murni nak tolong i cari kerja,why now?Selama ni u buat apa?Bang,u keja pon kat company meletop jugakan?Your position pon sound so glamour.Assistant Manager gitu.Hence,u ramai contact.Masuk paper frontpage next to our PM pon i tak sure da berapa belas kali(proud bini menopause u Bang).Suppose dari dulu lagi u da carikan i keja cause u bukan tak tahu i suffer in this puaka house,bukan suruh i melulu lari rumah bawak kain baju and stay with u.Who do u think am i Bang?Bohsia apa?I tak hadap la semua tu Bang,that why i suruh u carikan keja cause i wanna be independent,ada duit sendiri.Bukan i mintak u tanggung makan minum plus my bills.Why u diam saja?

Who's Cik Aleesya ni Bang?Girlfriend baru u ke?Bukan main lagi u ye,i tengok on your twitter timeline sibuk la duk offer ntah mana2 pompuan keja.Bila my turn macam2 alasan u.Tak hape la Bang,i boleh cari keja sendiri,tak usah la u kunon2 concern nk tolong i.Semua tu ada makna,i know u.Gemok's jahat!

Monday, December 19, 2011

update

I don't have so much things to tell about my entah bila happy ending marriages life in this blog today. Not because there are no heartbreaking words or perlakuan yang memualkan from my poor darling Ash but too much has been going around specially on weakened.He was spending the whole day infront of his pc while i has to juggeling with this puaka house matters macam org baru kematian laki.I can't sleep last night then i lie awake and watch he sleeping in the dark.he's slept like an angle gitu,so calm and suci.Dalam hati i terus berdoa for the sake of our marriages.Put a faith in God.

Currently we're in Tanah Malaya sibuk bersoksek2 and cock talking about tis fella,Ariff Alfian Rosli.Medical student yang telah meng lost contact kan dirinya nun jauh di Dublin sana.The saddest part is when his parent sibuk la mencari tis fella siang malam and ditambah lagi dengan problem about tis fella term loan issue yang mencecah almost 1 millon itu.Therefore penyebaran tis fella wedding ceremony and his gay partner pictures yang kunon2nya was in church itu.Sungguh baik kan our society punya moral,maklumlah tak kena kat batang hidung sendiri.And as usual,bersusun tingkatla comment2 yang sungguh bijak pandai alim from our society yang sangat penyayang ini.Especially di blog2 and laman so sial fakebook.Masing2 duk berlumba2 bagi comments and menjatuhkan hukum.Well i not trying to say that what tis fellla had done was right or wrong apatah lagi nak menyumbangkan pendapatan i.But as a mother,i guess i do understand what tis fella parents had gone through especially his mother.Disini,i doakan semoga tis fella parents and family tabah dengan ujian ini and for tis fella,i wish he will bertemu jalan pulang and kembali padaNya.

I didn't talk or even sms to Abg Hj since his birthday that day.I don't know why?To be frank,tak ada gunanya pon i terus ber keep in touch with tis Abg Hj.So i guess this is the best solution for our lovehate friendship.At least before my pms berambus away.Keep silence la dulu kan.Apa lagi ye?I'll be back to my parents house tomorrow after berbulan2 tak balik,biasa la when comes to his turn rindu bayangan dng bau ketiak his mum,dan2 tu jugakla nk balik KL.Sanggup ambil leave segala but it's ok la cause at least i can get some fresh air juga finally if not dudukla dalam rumah puaka ni day angd night.Well,i miss my both parents actually.

Until the next entry.

Friday, December 16, 2011

Apam's Fakebook Status

Suka or not i have to confess that sejak2 Apam menjadi teman laman sosial fakebook i,maka perkerjaan i di rumah puaka ini such as mencuci jamban Ash every morning without fail,jaga pokok his mum,basuh kain,lipat kain,susun kain,etc makinlah bertambah tau.Now almost everyday (except on weekends) i jadi stalker in silence.Mana tidaknya this Apam meng update status almost hari2 sometimes more than 4 times tau, pagi2 sampai office:on pc,of course la kena update"selamat pagi dunia".Hamboi satu donia ke kenal u?.Before kelua lunch update about pompuan nasik kang2 yg mempitnah and jealous dng kebahagian romah lah tangga her with the asben,siap maki2 lagi then after lunch pulak update hadis yg di copy paste ntah dari mana yg bbunyik lebih kurang like this ye "dosa memfitnah itu lebih besar dari dosa membunuh,baik pegi bunuh org je pompuan,blaja tinggi2 tp, otak pikir kotor. sah2 jeles tgk aku hepi!".Eh memfitnah itu dosanya lebih besar daripada membunuh nyawa?

Before tea-time update lagi,copy paste cakap2 motivator popular about self-esteem gitu then tambah ayat sendiri bagi nampak bijak sikit(ye la belaja sampai form 6 kan) "pedulikan dng kata2 org,ignorekan sumer,just do the best for ourself:-) *tag beberapa org bbf* jom bergumbira".After te-time fulak update nya berbunyik"wHo r u to jUdge?. Include vclip from YouTube,here without u from Hoobastank(i tahu Pam,laki i hade email this song just for u.kimak ko forever!) So the sial kan puan2? Update before balik keja"tak sabar nak blk rumah(flat ajer po.yg tak berkenaan don't get sentap ye),nak jumper darling asben and ceritakan semua problem ari ni.mlm ni mlm jumaat ,mlm utk mr and mrs :-P. Gamaknya satu fakebook include her parent,pak cik mak cik,ipar duai and anak2 sedara yg rata2 nya masih bersekolah rendah tahu yg this Apam da gatal nak pekena kote.So disturbing!

Semak ok my fakebook timeline dng her status yg nampak dari jauh sungguh lah berpelajaran tinggi itu.So bilanya should i quit from this pejerjaan?I have to studies about my friendenemy behaviors kan,so i don't need to risik sana sini apatah lagi nak questions Ash about his Apam.Tak koser i tau.Through fakebook saja i can even know about the bedroom yg this Apam tido at night to berkongkek specially on malam jemahat.Inikan pulak nak tahu perangai her lagu mano.So easy ok.I tahu diri,am not sesuci sangat but i tidaklah menjalankan kempen membenci org sana sini apatah lagi memaki hamun sesedap bontot.Takat ni my fb wall adalah bersih dari anasir2 yg tak diingini,no tagged2 about issues yg tak diketahui akan kesahihanya or provoked sana sini apatah apatah lagi simply duk comments kalahkan ustazah.Tak percaya try la add i then tengok sendiri.To the bangsat husband pulak: bila i saja2 wish him through his fb on our wedding anniversary last week(kat rumah both laki bini kelu tak terkata),bolehnya he just ignored saja,comment ex-colleges nya punya status boleh fulak kan.Padahal mlm tu bukan main stim lagi i di romenya.Nak jaga hati si Apam punya pasal kan,karang si Apam tanya him"baby,u ckp ur marriage dng si biah tu xhappy kan naper dlm fb ber wish2 syg2".What's the harom jaddoh? Saja la nak test power,sekali...i yg sakit hati.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Ash vs Apam

Mood i adalah malas untuk meng update this idak popular blog because yesterday i was menaip entry about my so called bbf wedding through this tablet(about 2 hours jugakla) then i yg bodo2 alang tak pandai menggunakan this android tablet(akibat kehilangan notebook cap ayam sony i itu) then dengan bongongnya boleh pulak i loper nak save that file.

Mood i juga adalah cranky plus annoying gitu(pms apa?)specially bila terkenangan kejadian last night,after i di romen dng penuh syahwat oleh lelaki ini then he's fell asleep begitu saja.Dasar jantan,yg tahu nya memuaskan nafsu serakah.Yes,i jalakan my duty as his wife(feeling2 the good wife gitu).Ikhlas or not Tuhan saja yg tahu cause ikhlas itu terletak didalam hati. Oh kata2 disebelah diambil daripada ustaz and ustajah yg tumbuh as a mushrooms banyaknya di laman sosial fakebook.Hence boleh pulak i terlihatkan si Apam yg perak mak yeh dok menayangkan birthday present nya(jealous ke i?tidak sama sekali ok,geli gelemang ada la)yg da cukup vouge der vass for not yet a women like her(free trial je pon)yg alahai lah nak type kat sini pon so malas cause tak rela i nak merendahkan keperakan this Apam then her statement yg mengatakan now that she's so berbahagia bersama asben(my ass)tercenta even banyak org duk berdengki sakan dng her.I just wondering lah,husband this Apam ni sekaya sangat ke?(jika benar bolehlah i recommend kan to mydesperate jandafriends).Nak kata handsome bergaya,muka nampak mcm tak sihat je,but why sampai tak sudah org merebut2 segala?Bukan la i nak mengata2 her kan but apa yg i tahu si Apam ni duduk romah flat ajer,jangan kata ikea couch untuk menonton astero sambil menggentel2 kote asben,sofa cap ayam pon tak hade tau.I tahulah cause this Apam ade meng show off gambar seisi rumah dalam album yg ber tittle "home sweet home".curious curiosity i dibuatnya.

Friday, December 9, 2011

Selamat Ulang Tahun Bang Hj Ku

Today is Abg Hj my kekasih lama birthday.He's ring me around 11:00 am but due to a line problem i guess,so Bang Hj tak terdengarkan kata2 i.I malas nak ring him back cause that time i was lay down on my bed (bermalas-malasan).Housewife kan (bukan mcm u Pam, kerani cabuk.sure busy kan?) Bukan i yg simply labeled her "kerani cabuk" ye,sh'e the one yg merendah2 diri berkata begitu pada i.This Apam's kan mmg like this tau kejap2 show off tak hengat dunia then suddenly humble la pulak.Tak paham i.Tak paham. Ok semua keja da settle actually, beside that my headache keep coming back since last night,i don't know why?Suspend tau...I had a difficult slept last night and it's really annoy myself.

Then later in the afternoon he ring me back.Katanya"abg tak kerja today and now i was in the Gardens Mall" I tak pelik bin ajaib pon this Bang Hj bercuti2 sakan cause he's the type yg so unpredictable org nya in everyway, specially bab2 on leave begini.Terkenang our memoir dolu2 sometimes he suddely muncul infront of my apartment pagi2 buta (around 8:00am something,tak hade la buta sangat) bawak i p breakfast ,hanta i p class,sampai la kemalam hari duk merayap (so sweet kan) even that time he suppose in the office,bekerja mencari nafkah zahir for his binik.Bila i tanya why? He said 'I on leave,saja tak mau p keja nak spend quality time dng u la baby"

Back to Bang Hj yg on leave itu, bila i tanya him buat apa kat Gardens Mall sorang2?Tak kerja ke?.He said that he don't know what to do?Nak watching movie or not?.Ada2 saja tau this Bang Hj.I pon hape lagi saja la duk sakat him,i said"hai,duk p bercenta2 dng binik ke?" (his binik work in that area) Then he told me the binik p merayap mana ntah with the kids,he's alone.Ala sian dia...As usual la kan,i asked him as the way a lot of bini asking their husband yg berkejauhan.Right after we talked and i about nak take a short nap,i receive sms's form Bang Hj.

Bang Hj: Damn u...u forget today is my birthday

Me: ala that day pon masa my birthday ,u didn't wish me kan.da lope ke?

Bang Hj: i wish u la bongong (bang,who're u to bongong2kan i?)

Me: mana ada u wish? i remember la that time i was******* then a week after my birthday baru u tanya i,apa laki u beli for your birthday? u didn't wish me pon kan. at least today u ada bsame2 centa jantung hati u on your birthday.ank2 ksayangan&binik u.smile and count your blessing sana.

Bang Hj: Am alone and only my *** (his 11 and half years old daughter) wish me...they're at kak *** house.

Me: eh bukan u said tadi your wife was around juga? don't worry la sat lagi in the evening sure depa ank beranak ada surprise for u.

Bang Hj: finally u managed to forget me yea...soon u will start ignoring me and slowly disappear cause i know now you're into him already and am sure you're pregnant.


Sumpah i lope bang, ye la today kan i tak berapa sihat beside that u da lope ke Bang Hj, u did it to me in a first place.Bukan la i nak revenge but let say if i do wish u dng kata2 yg sangat indah sekali pon but i bet that u will complain juga cause am not around to celebrate your birthday.Present?Tak usah diharap la ye,i tak hade duit nak berhadiah2 segala.Birthday laki i pon i buat bodo apetah lagi nak ber present2 segala ( he also buat2 tak tahu on mybirthday).Alah bang,da tua2 ni pon u still sentap ke i lupa your birthday? When it's my turn dulu,i relax je.Tak hade po i hangin dengan u.Binik kesayangan u tak wish ye?Don't worry later in the evening sure ada surprise from 3 of them.Sure binik u update about the celebration in her twitter (poser kan) Don't be sad ok.And at night nanti sure binik u yg kunon2 nya sudah menopause itu akan kang2 just for u (da lama tak mendapatkan kata u,special occasion mcm ni tak kan tak dapat juga?).Tak gitu bang?

Talk about kang2 ni kan, yesterday Ash balik lambat as usual (da la i tak sihat), pagi before he went to the office tu kan, buat long face to me.Why?Biasa la lelaki ni kan asal bini tak layan on bed start la buat long face begitu?U thought i ni machine apa?Kang2 ikut suka u? I pon need some rest juga apa?

Abg Hj, i tak kan bisa melupakan u (touching tak bang?) .Pandai je u said that am pregnant.

u make me happy and glad (sometimes je la)
u make me forget every reason that makes me sad (yes u do)
to me, you're my everything (before i tahu the true color of your ******)
please always love me just like this (i pray)
i wish nothing but the best for u, too
Happy Birthday my dearest Abg Hj "H"

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

So blue for you

2-3days ni hati i manyak senang cause Ash was so calm gitu if not kejenya nak mem provoked i sesaja.I don't know why but mesti ada someting kan?(laki tak hangin suspicious if hangin lagi I hangin ).So i hade banyak time la meg up to date blog jiwa kacauing i ni.Mcm banyak readers je kan?Tak penting pun anyway cause the important thing is Abg Hj and Tipah will get sentap dng entry2 i yg dikatankan edition mengadu domba dan berkeluh kesah ini.Excuse me,am not a mom's blogger ye yg hidupnya aman bahagia and not yet menunjuk2 one blogger yg duk tayang sekedai handbag collection or luvely picture dng laki masing2 (luvely my ass la Pam).Ikut suka hati masing2 la kan,if tak syuka suka just click button berambus kat atas sana.Ini blog pompuan ter neglect and redha itu ikhlas,pasrah itu menyerah -ongbak min du-.Sure u da nengok kan Pam.I?Tak koser lah,i tak beminat menonton cheritera like this(action nya u Biah,tak nengok citer Malaya kunon,kacang lopakan kulit!)Peace Tipah :).I remember la during study2 dulu u and the geng duk bergilir baca this novel kan.What to do?Bang Hj tak hajar i nengok citer like this.Kan bang.

I had headache last night, kepala i spinning around entah kenapa.I don't think that am pregnant lagi cause i had my period last month.My gynae da habaq so many times after 6 months i da boleh start planning for a 2nd baby.Now da almost 1 year,i mmg tak plan lansung about having another baby.I tak ready lagi anyway.Mentally or physically.Everytime tengok org duk usung pram kesana kemari, mommy's gone crazy tau.So sad and so blue.

I still remember during my pregancy dulu, Abg Hj was upset gila.Dah namanya marriage kan bang.Look at yourself yg kunon kunonnya di neglected oleh bini tua u but bini u beranak sampai 2 times juga kan.Sapa yg tak sayang ank bang?Tak gitu?I admit that i had a trouble to accept the fact that i was pregnant on my 1st trimester of pregnancy dulu .Semuanya tak kena,sudah la i jauh diperantauan then di neglect oleh lelaki ini.Tragedy betul,until finally i start to accept it and sayang so much dng my unborn baby.Mommy love u so much sayang.Dalam marah2 benci2,u beli kan juga baju2 yg so cute for my baby kan bang.Terharu i tau.I told to my unborn baby"Daddy's gemok bought a cute present for u la sayang".Recenty i ada terbaca artical about org2 yg kehilangan mcm i.Katanya "apa perlu disesali dng pemergian seorang ank kecil yg sudah dijanjikan tempatnya di syurga sana?".Tidak la i sesali dng pemergian satu2nya ank kecil kesayangan i itu.I redha cuma tak perlu lah i nyatakan disini how it feel? Bagaimana pedihnya jiwa raga i dng kehilangan itu? Keinduan dan ingatan yg tak pernah lekang from my mind.

Ash my husband: Yes,i tak bahagia dng this marriage.We're so diffrent in everyway,we had a difficult talks,bahagia kah u? U sendiri tak sure kan. I tak tahu apa kesudahan our marriage but i won't give up and tidak la i ni meroyan nak bercerai berai saja.Kalau benar jodoh we both panjang berjela2 doa i semoga our marriage akan bertemu bahagia dan semoga Tuhan kurniakan we both dng seorang lagi ank kecil secantik Zara my baby.Al-fatihah

Bang Hj's kembali

Today at 3:00 pm

So blue...since last night i tak sudah2 belek my baby picture.Kerinduan yg amat sangat.I blame myself for everything but it's can't change anything.Mommy miss u so much baby...Tipah was told me about having another baby.Kalau boleh Pah,mlm ni i nak deliver but this is not about having another baby lah.

Yesterday:

Abg Hj ring me last evening ,terkenang our memory in Good Evening Bangkok.Makan tak hengat bini tua kan u ,bang (alah,finally i jawab his call).He's on the way back from work at Jln Yap Kwan Seng to KLCC LRT Station at Avenue K.Tercungap2 mintak nyawa u jln kaki kan bang.Sure berfeloh2 kan.Ala sian dia,why tak suruh bini menopause u fetch kat office je?He asked me "what happen? why tak answer my call and sms?tak ingat kat i la tu?" I said "saja,i malas.bukan u ke yg tak ingat kat i?".Then he said he was in the train."sat lagi abg ring u back ye" Then Ash pon balik from the office,ajak i p dinner (awai nya u balik ling?normally da dekat nak maghrib baru u muncul) before that sempat i silent my phone and left it at home.Tak ade mood i nak talk to Bang Hj.

Last morning pulak,i duk berborak dng Kak Apam.She told me about someone try to bomohkan her cause jealous dng her life yg happy gumbira itu.I didn't ask her about the whole story,am a good listerner beside that sepanjang i kenal her mmg ini je la ceritanya.Tak sudah2 org jealous dng her,mcm artis fofular u ,Pam.Jealous ank pontianak.What should i tell her anyway?Nak sokong ke or bagi cadangan?Kak Apam sayang,u should put your face infront of the mirror la then ask youself why people out there tak habis2 menganggu hidup gembira u bersama your luvely partner(luvely my ass)itu.Kalau da since zaman2 single dulu u kejanya duk fuck around dng ntah mana2 jantan then belum kira scandalous u dng 1,2 or ntah2 more than 10 laki org (hebatkan this Apam). U hurt so many people kan then now bila u about nak cuci tangan(ensaf gitu), still ada org out there tak puas hati and keep ganggu u,who're to blame? Sampai kan nk kena bomoh2 segala.Mintak dijauhkan la benda2 kurafat ni,Biah.Bertambah2 terserlah perangai huduh u,Pam.

This Apam mmg dasar tak sedar diri apatah lagi tahu about malu? Sometimes i sendiri terkejut berok mak yeh everytime i read her fb status.Tak sudah2 org saja yg ruin her life.Mcm mana i boleh agree berkawan dng this kind of person?And yg tak boleh bla when i said that i never share myproblem with Ash and i didn't tell Ash about her.Ye la nak buat apa i tell Ahs about his Apam kan?Nak cakap apa? Ling2 now kan i da best friend comolot dng Apam kesayang u.Begitu ke? Then Ash pulak reply dng senang hati"Bagus la,u boleh belajar how to tonggeng2 from her" Damnsial!!Nak tahu apa katanya? She's said that "I pon didn't tell your asben(asben pantat u la) yg we both selalu dok ber storytell" Tak cakap kunon, kiss my royal ass la that u never told him about me.I check his phnoe history la everytime we talked,sure both of u duk ngata2 i kan.Suka la kan??Dasar harom jaddoh!!!

Tipah pulak was confused dng i cause boleh pulak i berteman dng Kak Apam even da banyak kali i terbaca sms berbaur nafsu serakah nya dng Ash.I told Tipah that i can't simply put a blame on Apam saja cause bertepuk sebelah tangan tak kan berbunyi.Tak gitu Pam?And sejak2 i bbaik dng Apam ni mood Ash selalu saja happy go lucky gitu.Mood him je la happy,how about me yg suffer memanjang duk terkurung dlm rumah puaka ni?Tak reti2 nak bawak i p honeymoon ke?Kawin da btahun2 but masih berhutang honeymoon dng i,eh banyak lagi la hutang him.Belum kira present i give birth to our baby yg ntah bila nak dibelinya, anniversarry present lagi la tak usah cakap.

Penat la,i nak mandi bunga...

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Abg Hj

Pertemuan yg tak disangaka i and Tuan Hj@Abg Hj bermula 6 years ago, our lovehate relationship. Forbidden love katanya.That time i was in university,juggling with books,assigment,exam and etc (include:searching for centa suci).As for the question why i so stupid and gatai bercenta dng Abg Hj although i knew that he's a bapak budak and laki org? I don't have any specific answer anyway,dari segi sciencetific mahupun dari sudut moral seorang manusia yg bergelar perempuan.
Tidak pula i put a blame on love is blind itu,yg buta cinta bukan si pencenta ye.I admit my mistake. Katakan la apa2 saja specially kata2 yg tak baik didengar for pencenta bapak budak and laki org mcm i.It's was over and done.

Abg Hj storytell:
He's just an ordinary men,nothing special about him.Nak kata handsome jauh sekali kan Bang.He's gemok and fendek (lelaki idaman i selalunya tinggi lampai,eh persetan la dng i punya physical characteristic sana).Pandang sebelah mata pon tahu yg he's married men.If pandang dua belah mata sah2 org ingat he's atok to be,da bermenantu.In our 1st year of relationship Abg Hj punya style mmg typical bapak2 budak.Everytime we met, sure pakai baju zaman2 80s muda belia dolu2.He said"Semua baju2 yg abg pakai ni my late brother beli masa study kat US dulu, that why abg simpan and jaga baik2 until now".Whatever la bang.Tak padan langsung dng i yg very the vouge that time.Mcm jln dng bapak2 ok(he's 20 years older than me).I pon tidaklah se gorgeous Eva Mendes kegilaan Ash (he's turn-on dng bontot u je.Tak gitu Apam?So disgusting ok). I tak nak la perasan as if i lah wanita gorgeous idaman jejantan sedunia,kan Pam kan.Cukup la i explain disini yg i have a good taste in fashion and beauty.Abg Hj told me so,silala muntah Pam.Tak susah pon for me nk mencari boyfriend or kekasih gelap and yg seumpamanya that time cuma i ni yg kunon2nya very selective.Bercakap about harta benda,adakah Abg Hj seorang yg breta benda?Cukup2 makan ankbini+gf je.So what make he's so special to u ,Biah?The way he love me lah.He love me like a kid. Like a kid who doesn’t want to share his lollipop (why lollipop?tak hade benda lain ke) with anyone else.He adore me and makes me feel wanted.Not like the other,specially the men about my age yg completely boring and stupid (bukan semua la ye) He's more mature, experienced and intelligent (tang mature tu i salah anggapan roughpa2nya)

Bukan i tak tahu apa bahananya percentaan terlarang itu,i do.Many times juga i try to walk out from our relationship,i ignore his call and sms even email and ym massager.Berhari2 dan berminggu2 i tak answer his call then bila puas sendiri i cari him back.Begitulah seterusnya.Kalau hendak seribu daya kan.Abg Hj ni kuat jealous org nya,al maklumlah dapat gf muda remaja and hot,almost everyday he came to my place.Bawak i p lunch,hi-tea sampai lah dinner,print out assignments, grocery.Hence p library yg kat atas bukit nun pon Abg Hj ada next to me.Indahkan percentaan i.Abg Hj selalu berkata" Sometimes abg kesian dng u cause bila kita kelua sure org pandang2 jeling2 kat u semacam".Ada i kisah?I don't care bang,bjalan kehulu kehilir dng u.I don't care what other people think about me,that show how much i love u (centa la kunon) Sampailah Abg Hj bertukar fesyen ala2 rome tak jadi, bini him suspicious juga katanya.Ye la tetiba je laki u beli baju baru,pandai pakai jeans,tersengeh sorang2 depan pc at home,hp tak lekang dr tangan,asal weekend je g keje katanya,balik pg2 subuh and mcm2 strange activity lagi lah.Kata2 dusta Abg Hj, bini nya pemalas,tak masak,rumah tak berkemas(eh wanita berkerjayakan,selalu masuk paper) tak layan him zahir batin,kuku kaki tangan pon tak ber trimmed,tak peduli about his needs and segala alasan logic yg digunakan jantan kat gf bangangnya.

I pasrah je bila ada yg mengatakan i ni pompuan tak sedar diri,mcm da tah hade jantan lain,fikir la sikit apa perasaan his wife and the kids.And i agree bila pompuan2 yg seangkatan dng i said"Bukan semua pompuan yg bercenta dng laki org ni jahat,mata duitan and perampas ok" During my early 20's dulu ramai yg i tengok ada affair dng married men, masing2 punya their own reasons.Some of them cause of suka2,kerana wang ringgit dan rete benda,cause of revenge katanya(apa2 je la kan),cause of miang(mmg dasar pompuan slut),kerna terpaksa...and mcm2 lagi lah.Dan tidaklah i menyokong trend tak sihat ini.Why oh why?Adakah i ni terikut2 dng this trend?No.Banyak lagi trend yg boleh jadi ikutan i.Pandai sungguhkan Abg Hj bermain kata2,bertahun lamanya bercenta secara forbidden dng i but his wife tak penah tahu pon.Pandai sangat ke org tua tu?Tidak ok.Why bini him tak penah tahu?Cause of me la,i boleh buat mcm2 cara to hurt bini menopause u bang.Ring her ke,sms or email her, tak pon p jumpa her face to face.Women to women (amboi,mcm duk berebut soltan Brunei). Just let her know about us.Let her know what cloth u really cut from.Bia your wife tahu that now is her turn kena tipu dng u.Why i tak buat begitu?Cause i love him la,i tak sanggup betray him dng cara sekeji itu.Tak sampai hati nk hurt bini menopause him and make his kids suffer.Tak tergamak i,bang.Cause i pon ada akakabang and anak2 sedara (about his kids age).I know how it's feel.

U said u don't love her anymore kan bang.Kata2 dusta u "I stayed because of the kids je,i tak sanggup loss them" U tahu tak bang mcm mana hancurnya hati i dng kata2 dusta u?I look at his daughter fb acc,duk upload pic family (biasa la budak2 sekolah kan).Four of them.Bukan main senyum gumbira kan u bang,eh da namanya family portrait kan kena la senyum.Siap caption"we we happy family ,check it out for nstp tomorrow ye,we all masuk paper".Yang tak boleh bla about this Tuan Hj is,everytime his binik masuk paper sedaya upaya nk tunjuk kat i.Yes bang,i admit binik u mmg among the success women yg i penah tahu,keja pon kat international company.Selalu fly sana sini just like u juga.So what are u trying to do?Itu saja ke yg u boleh banggakan about your wife bang?Bini u pakai bra mak2 brand apa?Beli baju kat kedai mana?Bathroom mcm tak cuci in age?Pakai make-up morahan or not?Rumah bersepah tahap end of the word?Kedut2 tang mana?Semua i tahu tau bang.If bini u hebat sangat why u masih cari betina kat lua sana?And yes,am not the only betina yg Tuan Hj ada ye (u kata i slut kan bang, so how about youself bang?jantan jenis apa u ni?),according to him,before i pon he always saja ada affair kat lua cuma dng i je lama cause am a single lady and tak demanding (this part i saja2 tambah) yg lain semua bini org or mak and akak janda yg baru kenal last week then next month da ajak kawin.

Why finally i left him?Because i jumpa jantan lain mcm yg u selalu katakan tu ke bang?I left u because i love u,bang.Even perangai u buruk nauzubillah.Sepanjang bersama u,bang.I terima u apa adanya, baik buruk u,gemok fendek u, your jealousy yg buat i hampir2 tak bermasyarakat langsung and even u berpenyakit kedekut Hj Bahkil syndrome.I relakan bang,cause i da terlanjur centa mati dng u.I tak pernah regret.Now hidup i suffer like this.Why bang?Because of u juga.I terima balasan dr kejahilan i bersama u dulu.Centa palsu u membunuh cinta suci i.U yg tak pernah sure dng our relationship.Kejap kata nak commit kejap tak sure.Boleh je bang if i nk buat bini menopause u naik hantu and minta divorce dng u.Cause u selalu bagi mcm2 reasons kan why u tak sanggup ceraikan bini tua u,cause of the kids la kunon.Bini tua u tu pon dulu menikah dng u cause she's finally success juga dlm mission merampas laki org and make u divorce your 1st wife and left your innocence boys kan.Tak gitu Bang Hj,so tak usah la u nak back-up bini menopause u, bang.She's just like me,pompuan slut yg tak sedar diri but at least i tak rampas laki org mcm her.Your 1st wife dulu pon apa kurangnya kan bang,sucess juga org nya.Cuma da gemok mcm u la not like your current wife yg kurus kerempeng and kedut2 itu.Your boys pulak,u tunggu lagi 2 or 3 years from now sure u dapat menantu kan bang.Tergamak pulak ye u left them?Sejahat2 i bang,i tak pernah minta u tinggal your kids.I can even sayang your kids mcm ank i sendiri (alah hai lah statement angan2 mak tiri)

Abg Hj,please don't say i left u because of i ni mata duitan org nya.U pon bukan berharta benda sangat,Sebutir 916 gold ring pon u tak penah bagi i tau,yg ada cuma fake diamond ring yg still i simpan until now.Why?Because i value our relationship.Baru sekarang u cakap"Now abg da mampu nk bawak u p jalan oversea yang (bini u pon sayang juga kan bang),balik la sini then kita p Korea"Now da banyak duit ke bang?Bila i ask u belikan i rumah u diam pulak kan bang.Alah dulu pon u tak penah bawak i holiday mana2 even dlm Tanah Malaya ni and i don't mind bang but bila turn bini menopause u pandai plak u tipu i kunon blk kg ye,roughpa2nya u pegi fantasia bulan madu sejuk2 nun.Mana i tak angin bang,but i still maafkan u.Salah ke i bila i mahukan hak i?Salah ke bila i question u about bilanya u nak menikah dng i?Kata cinta.U said"If abg nk kawin dng u,my wife bukan boleh buat apa,nak tak nak she kena accept"Pandai cakap je u ni bang.Yang paling menyakitkan hati i,bila u cakap"What if my wife ask me to choose between u and her?How about my kids?I syg my kids."Sapa yg tak syg ank bang? (how about me bang? Ada u fikir?) Macam haram jaddah kan u,bang.Then i left u,habis cite bang.Why i nak waste my time tunggu u,bang?Tunggu janji2 palsu u sambil i makan hati berulam jantung and menambah dosa collection yg sedia ada.Bila bercakap about dosa pahala mula la u mengata i ni pretend alim ustazah lah.Bang Hj,we both sama dilahirkan as a muslim and we do understand about Islamic law.About what's wrong and what's right.U sendiri yg 20 years older than me tak kan tak tahu dosa pahala bang?Buat apa tittle Hj u tu?pak mertua u pon tok imam masjid kg dotdot kan?U tak percaya adanya mati?Adanya syurga neraka?It's up to u bang.i can't do anything and here (if u read this blog bang) i tak kuasa nk berceramah agama dng u.Dosa masing2 tanggung kan.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Lived To Tell The Tale

I'am so terrified of turning 30 (3 years from now).Kata Tuan Hj, ex-bf i itu "life doesn't end at 30 lah Baby"(baby kunon,denga dek bini menopause u baru tahu).Tidak lah i ni takut mejadi tua cause for me dengan izin Tuhan,panjang umur everybody akan lalui that phase .30 not even old pon. It's just a number bak kata my elder sister yg umurnya sudah late 40's.

So apa yg u risau kan Biah? I risau mengenangkan nasib body i lah.At this age i masih begini dan begitu,banyak benda yg i plan tak terbuat2 even cita2 segunung Everest.Nak2 lagi bila bertemu jodoh dng lelaki ini. Segalanya begitu2 sahaja.Almost everyday pon i sesali dengan ketentuan ini.Bukan la i ni tak percaya pada qada' dan qadar,takdir yg telah tersurat untuk diri i.I do.Tapi bukan kah kita boleh berusaha untuk hidup yg lebih baik?I do juga,bukanlah i ni pasrah saja orangnya but sangat la limited.Terbatas oleh hukum agama,tu belum lagi i bercerita pasal maruah family and hati2 org tua itu.

I sayangkan my parent.I bukan la ank yg baik sangat pon but i try my best to make both of them happy.Salah satu darinya bila i denga cakap my parent then menikah dng Ash.Both of them sangat lah happy, i admit se asshole2 Ash, dia pandai ambil hati parent i. Mudah dot com je nak ambil hati parent i,tak de la sampai kena belikan my dad Rolex and hanta my mum pegi tour 1 Europe sana.Kacang je,just talk and listen to both of them.Tak yah susah2 nak gores dan leret credit card segala.Kan i da cakap,peanut je.

At this age,hidup i sangat kesepian dan dull.Even ada laki but hari2 i di perantawan ini sangat lah menyedihkan,hari2 duk terperap dlm rumah.At night pulak kena berdepan dengan problem yg tak pernah sudah and weekend lagi la seksa zahir batin i.Masing2 buat hal sendiri.I duduk kat hall pegang remote and Ash stay in the room dng pc nya.Apa dibuat nya i malas nak ambik tahu.We had difficult talks.Bukan tak coba,but tak penahnya menjadi cause for sure akan end-up dng adegan tuduh menuduh and ungkit mengungkit.Ash akan talk a bad thing about me and i akan naik hantu. Memang hantu u asshole!!!Tuan Hj cakap "He's ungkit2 about your past and talk a bad thing about u kan,why u diam saja?Why u tak get back?Ungkit la segala kecilakaan him and talk a bad thing about him too,why u diam saja? My silly answer is "I hold my tounge for the sake of peace" Suatu masa nanti it's will goes around.Bodoh ke jawapan i tu???Tak betul ke?Kalau i lawan cakap2 cilaka Ash, silap2 i kena belasah.Sapa nak tolong i if muka i lebam2 kena penumbuk him???Nak jerit minta tolong police ke?Begitu Tuan Hj sayang???

Tersentuh tau naluri kewanitaan i bila teringat tragedy itu.He's ruin everything.Tak ada lagi cinta suci i untuk him.I coba juga,berdoa.Memohon agar Tuhan bukakan hati Ash and i tetapkan dlm hati selagi i masih jadi his wife,i takan pernah seligkuh.Doa i semoga i dijauhkan dari kemaksiatan dan zina,i tak nak jadikan excuse to had an affair.Kalau hendak seribu daya.I love him the way a lot of women love their husband.Pasrah...

Tipah my best friend was told me,mengapa tidak dicuba melahirkan anak2 yg comel2,mudah-mudahan Ash akan berubah.I do.I penah pregnant 3 times sepanjang 4 tahun menikah.I had misscarriage for my 1st and 2nd pregnancy and for my 3rd pregnacny pulak everything ok even dlm masa pregnant itu mcm2 yg i terpaksa lalui.Beginilah nasib perantau dan isteri kurang attention mcm i.Bila mengidam Ash buat xtahu(even nak makan burger at Fridays) bukan i minta nk makan kambing gurun pon.Sudahnya i kalis mengidam.Paling teruk 1 weeks i tahan liur duk teringat siang mlm then i lupa.Belum kira i sakit body,tekanan perasaan,yg itu dan yg ini.Semua i tanggung sendiri.

Sometimes i rasa mcm mengandung tak hade laki.Hence preparation utk baby pon Ash berkira2.I guna my saving,ye la mak to be kan mmg la excited,kalau boleh nak beli semua yg the best saja even duit nya alahai la ciput.Preparation utk i lagi lah usah diharap ye,maternity wear pon cuma sehelai je,itu pon cause i slumber je ambik then letak kat counter.Yang morah2 one je pon.Bila hari yg ditunggu2 tiba,Tuhan uji i lagi.Anak i meninggal after birth.Luluh jantung i.Air mata pon tak menitis.I was hoping ank ini akan save our marriage but...Rasanya i tak nak hidup lagi,mati yg memang pasti utk semua org itu juga bukan pengakhiran kepada segalanya.Terputus dengan dunia,alam barzakh sana siapa yg tahu nasib i,dosa banyak.So blue...hari2 i tatap gambar ank kesayangan i...until now.I never doubt,Ash juga sayangkan our only children.In his way.Sebak dada i...

Ash selalu cakap yg he's regret menikah dng i.Apa u ingat i tak regret ke menikah dng jantan asshole mcm u???You're a big liar!I ni dah jadi burden to him.Dah la tak keja,menyusahkan.Why u tak menikah dng Apam pojaan hati u tu?Cause your mother tak berkenan dng her kan.Why tak berkenan? Cause Apam's u tak kena pada mata her.Kurang berpendidikan may be.Why i cakap begini cause i rasa ni reason yg paling logic why his mother nak kan i jadi menantu.Org ada2 ni begini la adanya.Bertuah ke i yg terpilih bukan si Apam?Tidak ok!After 3 months menikah my life was a disaster.

Back to Apam, she's wanita berkerjaya sama mcm yg u harap2kan even keje kat company ciput.Ada duit sendiri,boleh beli Coach handbag tepi jln mari ,beli tudung bunga2 online pakai duit gaji sendiri,pandai buat apam's so u tak payah beli and yg paling best u boleh borrow her money and pura2 tak ingat.Why u senyap2 bermain kata2 nafsu dng her?Jarang contact konon kan Apam,u ingat i bodoh ke?I sempat belajar ilmu hackers and spy menyepai ni la.Mmg i tak tahu apa u all katakan but i still can trace and i understand both of u sure bercakap benda2 yg berlandaskan nafsu serakah u all je.Damndamndamn.Bukan ke tanggungjawab seorang suami itu untuk menyediakan segalanya2(yg asas) untuk isteri.I bukan jenis yg meminta2 pon even bernafsu but i still can handle it,alah kalau dapat semua yg i hendak sekali pon but tak bahagia buat apa kan?Pening i fikirkan nasib i ni.

Where's the women i used to be???I tak tahu kemana?Tuan Hj was offering me,katanya:'U lari je balik sini Baby,then u cari keja.I akan support u.I'll pay your bill's and kita akan hidup happy mcm dulu"Senang je u cakap kan bang,mana nak i letak muka and maruah family i?Apa i nak explain to my parent? Sesedap rasa ye u cakap,nak support i la kunon.Bang Hj,u pon 2x5 mcm bini menopause u.Angin sesuka hati,time u marah,u menghilang entah kemana,belum kira hari u mendustai i,balik kampung kunon,ropa2nya u pegi berbulan madu dng bini tua u yg kunon2nya u tak cinta itu.

If betul la u ni berjurus org nya da lama i menikah kat Golok dng u even parent i sure2 mengamok cause i gatai menikah dng laki org.I sanggup bermadu kasih dng bini tua u but why i tinggalkan u cause u pon lebih kurang mcm Ash,lagi menderita hidup i if kawin dng laki org mcm u then terabai.At least i ni the one and only bini Ash(tak tahu la if esok2 Ash kena tangkap basah then i dimadukan) so i xperlu bersusah payah betegang urat bergaduh dng madu.If i ikut cakap u bang,i lari balik sana, u nak jadikan i ni apa?Mistress u ke?Pompuan simpanan u?Pemuas nafsu u?Sorry la i tak nak berbuat dosa and i tak ketandusan seks.Biarlah i bercerai berai mengikut lunas-lunas agama.Dengan cara yg betul dan terhormat(harap2 la) or berdoalah agar marriage i akan bertemu bahagia.I have my own mission impossible.Bila hari itu tiba,i tahu i akan free just like a bird.

Abg Hj,bukan i tak cinta u, cinta itu telah mati. In age i guess.Dan sebelum menjelang 30,harapan i cuma satu, agar i bebas dari problema ini dan mampu tersenyum seperti dahulu kala.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Apam's Story

"Women dignity are all abot their face" Ini adalah statement dari tua punya body yang telah i translated. Dengan niat untuk tidak menyinggung mana2 pihak dan tidak lah i dikatakannya meniru gaya penulisanya yang ade STPM certificate itu.No offense ye.Kelas u pompuan,eh from now let's call her Kak Apam (full name :Apam Polka Dot) yer cause Kak Apam memang expert in apam's making ni.That why apamnya sentiasa dlm ingatan Ash, sms pon still dok mention about her Apam.Then bini itu (i lah sapa lagi) membaca dengan bersahaja.Cool u ,Biah.Damn it!!! Dalam hati i menyumpah2.I curse both of u jadi batu nisan!!!

Kehadapan kak Apam: Sure u merasakan u la wanita yang paling gorgeous kan,that why u berani menggunakan kata2 diatas dengan confidence.Kalau tak cantik rupawan masakan Ash duk gila bayang dengan apam u??? I benci u Apam,so sah2 lah i mengatakan yg u tu memang tak gorgeous langsung.

Sungguh proud kan u duduk KL, if stay in London tak tahu la mcm mana.Wanita modern yg berkerjaya,independent dan tak bergantung kat kote laki mcm i (Kak Apam,u keje kat company ciput je pon).Earring bintang2 u tu beli kat mana?.Dress up u yang ala2 jinjang mari, then ber clubbing kat Jln P.Ramlee(very the kay yel kan)auw..fashionable betul u,Apam.I yang duk rumah ni pon tahu berfesyen.Mesken2 i yg tak berperkerjaan,i mampu beli barang2 street fashion.I ni bukan nya expert sangat pasal fesyen and xde la i ni penggila brand item sesaja.Geng2 comolot i ramailah yg berasal dari sekolah fesyen,jadi i ni terselamat la dr menjadi mangsa fesyen perasan mcm Apam.Belum lagi handbag Coach u yg sah2 tepi jln mari,kan Pam.Biar tak ori asalkan Coach.I rela tak ber Coach segala mcm u.Sekali pon i nak tiru perangai menunjuk2 u itu i lebih rela balik my in-law house and buat muka kesian depan sekedai handbag collection nya.Sure my in-law kata"Biah pilih la mana2 handbag yg Biah berkenan,next year mommy nak pegi Italy(puih...)then boleh beli yang lain".Kelas kan i??? Pakai iPhone(cap hayam), kecoh kat FB.Excuse me, i kan since zaman2 study kat university kokak i tu (kata Apam: alah study kat ai tee em je pon lain la yu em ke ober sea ke) lagi i da biasa mempunyai Apple's product, start from iPod Shuffle, iMac, eh malas la nak menunjuk2 ni.

Dan sebenarnya,i nak bercherita about Kak Apam yg telah mengata cerca i yang duduk di rumah dan dicelah2 kang2 lelaki in dan menjadi full time desperate housewife.Katanya begini"Kite perempuan ni jgn bergantung pada lelaki,berdiri atas kaki sendiri.gunakan apa yg kita ada utk life kita".Amboi2 mcm pakar motivasi kan.Kak Apam,perlu ke i cereta kat u mengapa i tak berkerja???Why?Kokak sangat ke full time housewife mcm i ni.Asshole pojaan hati u juga yg bawak i p duk tepi hutan belantara yg tak ada keje ni.Belum kira i dpt keja but tak kena dimata Ash then terus nya tak dibagi nya i keja until now but i don't give up and i will fighting back.Kelas sangat ke u yg keje kat company ciput tu?I hade degree ok.Dengan izin Tuhan,satu masa nti i plan nak hambik master then buat PHD.Why? Because i nak menunjuk2 kat u ke?Tidak sama sekali,parent i tak ajar begitu.This is a dreams from my mother yg mahukan i belajar setinggi yg i termampu.U pon ade STPM je kan,so why u so proud sangat dengan diri u???Tak kisah ke i dengan kata2 cerca Apam?I don't say that i don't care.I do.Rasa mcm nk dicarutkan2 kan je si Apam tu.

Finally,satu pagi yg dingin dengan angin sepoi2 bahasa, Kak Apam telah bertanya pada i"Best tak jadi housewife"Mana tak best Pam,kalau u jadi housewife mcm i every night u boleh hadap Ash jejantan pojaan u then bangun lambat tak yah masak for lunch.Why Apam tanya begitu???Katanya dia fade-up kerja cause banyak sangat org jealous dng dirinya yg gorgeous itu.Laki Apam pon mcm laki i tak kisah if Apam tak nak keja.Begitu u,pilih laki pon mesti ada ciri2 mcm Ash.

Hambik kau,Pam.Now is your turn.Baik sangat perangai u kan that why mana2 u pegi ada saja org tak suka u lah,jealous dng u lah.No wonder la kat FB nya asik merempan2 je kejanya duk maki org sana sini,eh Pam nowdays senang je org nak kenal perangai kita tau.Just refer on our FB.Nak2 lagi yg sukak post pict yg nampak longkang boobs itu then bila ada yg comment kegatalan tahu pulak marah.Tak gitu Kak Apam???Kalau da kerjanya asik duk post kat wall then maki org yg kononnya jealous dng u, tak puas hati dng u lah.Nampak sangat u ni mmg buruk perangai dan ramai musuh.Ramai org menyampah dng u.From there i can simply make my own conclusion about u,Pam.U ni betina jenis apa???Betina puaka.I pon apa lagi,i bagi la cukup2 kan, get back ok.Then u boleh tanya i "Ye ke ada org duk ngata2 u cause u tak berkerja mcm i?".U dah lope ke Pam apa yg u tulis about i???Before that pon u selalu tease2 i about this kan.I saja yg malas nk explain kat u pasal taraf pendidikan i dan mengapa i tak berkerja mcm u.I tak suka menunjuk cause tak mendatang paedah.Tak yah minta,i bagi Apam free consultation.But tidak la semua kata2 i itu bernafsukan revenge semata.

I told her about duk rumah punya pro and cons .Kak Apam,tak keja nti u duk rumah jual apams online sudah la,u kan expert.Kelas u, Biah.Tak yah susah2 cari pasal,pasal yg cari u.Eh,i tak paham bila si Apam tulis"gunakan apa yg kita ada utk life kita".What do u mean Pam,adakah gunakan kepakaran yg u ada itu utk terus menyundal dng laki org?Begitu???

Hari ni i tak nak cakap banyak about Ash walaupong tujuan penulisan blog underground ini adalah untk melepaskan kemarahan dan kekecewaan i terhadap Ash.I tak mungkin boleh meng up-date blog i yg baru berusia beberapa hari ini setiap hari cause i banyak keja lain, melantak tido dan melawa dengan dress2 gorgeous pembelian diri sendiri dikala Ash mencari nafkah.Lagi pon i bukan ada follower,alah i pon tidak la menggilakan glamour cause intention i ber blog ini cuma untuk meluah rasa dan berkongsi pendapat pada yg sudi. I just wondering now, how a certain people think about me??? Yang pastinya i mahu menjadi diri i sendiri dengan cerita i sendiri dan tidak meniru cara org lain menulis.Semua org boleh menulis,termasuk u kan Kak Apam that why u suka tulis yg ntah apa2.Sungguh low-class u kan.STPM dapat berapa?If cukup2 makan xpayah la u berbangga sangat ok cause i pon penah belajar Form 6 so i tahu ler.Few days ago,i ada membaca blog seseorang teman yg tak berapa mesra,tittle nya berbunyi '' Jangan Kutuk Suami Anda". Sentap i tau,terasa pedasnya.Then i pon mula menjadi seorang pemikir.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Selfish

Kata Ash, i'am selfish cause i always want more than what he can give.Dalam erti kata lain i ni seorang yg tak tahu diuntung.Tak tahu mengenang budi.Begitu sekali Ash mengatakan i tau.

Bila sendirian mcm ni i mula la terkifir kata2 kesat Ash itu.Alah da namanya jantan memang begitu ok,asal argue je start la dikatakan yang we women ni tak kenang body lah, selfish lah,mcm2 lah.Because of what ye???Because nak selamatkan diri sendiri la,so we women rasa guilty gitu.Terkesema kejap.

Selama menjadi the only wife to him ni apa sangat yg Ash bagi pada i sampai dikatakannya i ni tak mengenang body lah,selfish lah???Kalau nak diukur dng sacrifice,sapa yg paling banyak sacrifice in our marriage??? Sah2 la org itu adalah i.

Perlukah i ungkit segala pengorbanan sesuci i selama ni??? I sanggup korbankan cita2 i yg setinggi Everest tu for the sake of our marriage dan yg paling tak boleh blah bila i juga rela korbankan my ego.Untuk jantan typical and so demanding mcm Ash,memang la semua ni tak hade makna langsung.There's no meaning to him.Apalah la sangat, terkorban body and soul pon Ash tak peduli ok. That my duty as a wife katanya.

Bercakap pasal harta benda pulak ye, banyak sangat ke intan berlian yg disalutkakn kat body i ni? Yang ada cuma cincin berlian yg memang tak sampai 1 carat tu.Itu saja and i tak penah meminta2. Kalau minta dapat ke??Harta benda,intan berlian,sekedai handbag dan wang ringgit segala,siapa yg yg tak tempting dng semua ni???Please hands up.Tidak la i mengatakan yg i sesuci sangat.I do, but apalah ertinya harta benda kalau tak bahagia.

Dapat sekedai handbag sekali pon but i duk terperap ngadap wall 24/7 ,for what?Duit pocket pon Ash tak bagi tau,ada la 2-3 times dia bagi i then haram jadah tak bagi langsung.Lagi duit i yang selalu dipinjam and baya ikut suka hati tok dia ada la.

Yes,am a housewife.Mana i dapat duit???Duit saving i yg makin hari makin ciput itu lah.Tak pon wang ehsan pemberian abgakakadik i.Kain baju i pon Ash tak belikan.Dia da bershopping sakan 2 months before puasa.Raya once a year,i beli baju sendiri.Tu pon i beli kat kedai yg alah tak berapa nak glamour cause i tak berduit.Tak glamour bukan tak bermakna takhade quality ok but quality nya so so saja lah.Balik rumah i nangis senyap2 dlm bathroom.

Feeling2 nk pakai La Senza ,i beli sendiri.Malam2 hari Ash cakap"sexy nya bra u yang" Dasar jantan,compliment bini malam2 cause nak melepaskan air je.Beli panties kat Parkson Grand pon pakai duit i.Bak kata Tipah my bestfriend"minah kilang pon mampu pakai La Senza tau Biah".Eh no offense ok.Tipah oh Tipah,La Senza ada jual kat FOS.Benda2 yg lain lagi la jangan diharapkan.Semua harus dapat yg diperkenan tuan tanah,nak beli moisturiser i yang berharga tak sampai 50 hengget itu pon i kena bagi 10 reasons ok.Nak menitis air mata i depan casher.Kalau ikut yg diperkenan tuan tanah, lagi afdol if i rela pakai cream temu lawak.Kokak sangat ke i ni???

Why???Tak mampu ke Ash???Hidup berdua2 je,anak tak hade.Keje pon kat company meletop ko.Tak kan small small thing gitu pon i nk kena beg him.I kan his wife.Mana hak i?Mana his responsibility?I punya responsibility je yg disebut sebutkan.

Teruk sangat ke i ni??? Kalau betul i ni memang tak padan dengan Ash,mengapa dia terhegeh2 proposed i dulu?Kenapa i agree?Because my parent want it.Specially my mum yang sedang keuzuran.Kata my mum"kan bagus Biah kawin dengan Ash,dia dari keluarga baik-baik" And yes after we both menikah semua saudara mara from my mum side start pandang i dengan mata if not xpandang langsung ko.Frankly said, my mum side punya family mmg haram jaddah ok.Even ko kawin dng laki org but berreta benda, outomaticly demo jadi friendly.Nak2 lagi if jantan itu berstatus dato' ke.Kalau berstatus kaum kerabat diraja lagi lah kau hebat dimata demo Biah.

Tak mengenang budi kah i?Selfish kah i?

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

teman laman muka buku

Kelas u Biah,sanggup u berteman dengan betina sundalan yang mengadakan hubungan "teman tapi mesra" dng laki u.

I ni bukan apa,tak suka bergaduh2 hanya kerana jantan sundalan itu(husband i lah saper lagi).Ye la berat mata memandang mandang berat lagi bahu i memikulnya.Fate certainly played an important part in mylife.Fate kah bila laki i tak reti2 nak berlaku adil pada i???

Fate kah bila my marriage was a disaster? U xboleh melawan takdir lah Biah, u xde super power or u bukan mcm dlm cite romantika comedy sana tu.Bed of roses all the time.Happy ending saja.This is real life with the real an asshole.Ok from now let's call him Ash instead of asshole.Begitu lah kalau da benci.

We both know that we’re unhappy but why don’t he let me go and berambus from his life??? How unfair of him???Kalau u tak suka i,hantar i balik rumah makbapak i, how i wish i boleh berkata begitu pada Ash.Sambil terpekek terlolong mcm vampier.Kata2 begitu boleh mendatangkan penampak kat muka gorgeous i tau.Don't play2 ok.

Org cakap i takut dng Ash,sapa org tu kalau bukan si Tuan Hj kekasih lama gemok i itu.Of course la i takut Ash penampak i cause tapak tangan him 2x besar tapak tangan Tuan Hj.Hence i duduk jauh diperantauwan if anything happen to me sapa nak tolong i???I bukan mcm NenetPenne yg abgakak nya around membantu itu ini.If let say nak buat police report pon i kena jalan kaki sampai ke balai.So pathetic kan.

Beside that if i bercerai berai sekali pon i xkan dapat sesen even harta sepencarian.Harta sepencarian mendanya?Rumah pon tak ade tau even KWSP pon Ash tak letak nama i sebagai pewaris.Dia letak nama sapa?Nama ibu mertua ku lah.Apa hadap sangat ke i dengan reta benda dia???I pray soon or later everybody will know about this especially his parent so i can leave him without being the bad women to our family. Setakat ini itu saja yg termampu i lakukan...

Friday, November 11, 2011

Fighting Back

I don’t know where to start???Dah lama sangat i pendam rasa,for the sake of peace katanya.I takut kena penampak maut from him actually cause da penah merasa few years back.Lebam2 muka gorgeous kau Biah.Nak tahu why i kena penampak???Cause i suarakan hak2 i as his wife yang terabai dan diabaikan.Boleh gitu?Dasar jantan!Dok la i mengatakan semua jantan tu sama yer.

Honestly i’am sick of being in this marriage.Bak kata org kawin baru setahun jagung da merempan tak bahagia segala,nak bercerai-berai lah yg p gatal kawin sapa suruh?
Itu kata org la,kata i lain pulak.

Well, i saw what she’s write about me (betina pojaan husband i) and i felt like a piece of shit. Sudahlah menyundal dng laki i then u tease2 i pulak ye betina. So here,am starting myown blog.Just like her...