Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Memoir

Semalam was a Valentine's Day.Of course la I yg di neglected oleh lelaki ini tidak men celebrate nya(according to fatwa:haram),my birthday and our wedding anniversary yg setahun sekali tu pon he just buat bodoh,so what do I expect from tis jantan kan.

Haram is haram la kan ,I yg uneducated ni tak nak la comment lebih2 sangat about this issue but for me yg sudah terbiasa dibelai dan dimanja dng kasih sayang yg kejap hade kejap tak hade,centa palesu and segala bentuk material ini(I refer to Bang Hj tembam & Him)amatlah excited menunggu special occasion begini cause ada la reason I nak present itu ini kan if not nak kena merajuk dulu baru la dapat.I still remember this when I minta jam guess from Bang Hj(tengah bulan tu,duit tak berapa nak ada kata him).As usual macam2 la alasan him tak nak belikan so I pon merajuk plus mengamuk sekali.I campak baju2 him into bathtub yg penuh air.Bergaduh besar jugak la.Siap threatened him nak break off segala.Finally Bang Hj was pasrah dan menyerah,diturutkan juga napsu I ni so berdua2an la ke guess what Midvalley,siap dapat free gift lagi tau.Bang Hj tembam i cayang told me that the binik also da lama minta him beliin jam baru(binik you kan bergaji besau,sure tak main jam below 1000$ mcm i kan),he said that he just buat bodo je but he beliin for me juga finally even masa I mengamuk tu I cubit2 perot bouncet him."sakit tau",kata him.Then he said because of he love me badly so he don't mind berabis duit ringgit.Tersenyum2 i bila teringat about this.Let's talk about the saddest part pulak ye.After I graduated dulu,I dapat keja as a cabuk executive in a well-known company(boleh la kan) actually that was my second jobs so Bang Hj sangat la happy then he send me a bouquet of white roses.Rose is signifies passion,love,beauty and perfection but why must white?Tak terfikir pulak nak tanya him that time,bukan ke white tu indicate for innocence or starting anew(yg I tahu la).Persetan la semua tu.I was extremely happy la kan cause ada jantan bagi bunga sampai ke office.Blooming.com tu,kelas ko biah,kata akak receptionist.Terasa diri inew hot kejap.I thought panas sampai ke petang,ntah mcm mana bolehnya I terjumpa card hucapan from the same florist.Rupanya tis Hj juga menghantar bunga2an to the binik.Adil kan salah satu syarat for jantan2(miang like him) yg nak or sudah berpoligami.I pon hingat2 luper what was tis Hj wrote in the card cause da bertahun2 ago but yg buat hati I yg so small ini robek and rusak binasa is when I read the last line"I love you so much sayang :0)".Mcm shial kan?.Tak cinta la kunon.What do I expect kan...Eh,I juga tak lupa.Bertahun2 yg lalu,Bang Hj telah menyeprisekan I dng membawa I p mentekedarah or lebih romantic lagi is candlelight dinner gitu(yes,gelap gelita kat dlm tu)in a one of popular clubs at Jln P.Ramlee masa tu the day before Vday.Kira merasa juga la kan.The foods boleh la,it's cost about 200$++ for 2 paxs.Baik p makan kat Chili's KLCC jek.Lagi sedap.

Bersama Him pulak,kekasih lama puaka.Bila kawin dng lelaki ini yg panas baran,berlaku romantic jauh sekali apatah lagi nak bagi tis binik present segala.Kata Ash,rugi beli bunga ni,da la mahal cepat layu dan tak boleh dimakan(whatever!).Apa la agaknya si Apam dapat from him kan cause I found Apam's card.She wrote about happy nya her dng present yg Ash bagi itew.Penuh card tu she wrote both name menjadi satu,e.g:apamash apamash 14 juta kali and siap lekat pooh bear lagi,fuck!.I da selamat bako ok that card.If Ash tahu ni ada harapan la I nak merasa penampau then kena halu rumah(his belagak word,everytime we both had a big fight).I can't wait!Next time i berambus betul2.Now I realized that no one loved me more than he did.He will ikut saja kemahuan I.Tak payah tunggu Vday,tahu2 ada je Mat Pion(betul ke my spelling ni)tersengeh depan pintu rumah I duk pegang bouquet of flowers,normally roses cause that's my favourite flower.His office kan dekat dng kedai bunga beside nyonya kedai bunga tu kenal him(boss besar kan),so dapat le discount sikit.Minta la apa saja,he don't mind.Credit card him pon was in my purse.Tablet yg I kutuk2 ni pon from him actually.Sometimes tu he came to my house mlm2 buta just because I teringin nak makan sate.Pointer I so so pon he don't mind belikan I present.Kata him,he so proud because I rajin belajar(rajin lew sangat).Bila I dpt DL(nasib je ni cause berkawan dng Tipah yg pandai),lagi la he was so excited.Tak cakap banyak dibaginya I,his atm card suruh p shopping sana.Masa dng him dulu,I hade kete sport tu(you penah naik kan Tipah,we went to Pyramid,nengok cite hantu *^!#%~< Puaka Tebing Biru).I la yg tak pandai menilai platinum and besi karat.I wrote yg baik2 saja about him today,yg tak baik tu esok2 la.I will pay for my mistake.

Ash baik2 saja even banyak sangat yg I tak setuju dng cara him me managed tis marriage.e.g:Ash mengongkong I as if I ni ratu cantik India.Pakai itu tak boleh,ini tak boleh.Excuse me,if you nak binik yg set2 perempuan berkalung serban then belikan lah kainbaju yg sesuai dng kehendak you itu.Kemut nak mampos,kainbaju yg I beli plus from my exes semua stock2 yg ketat2 ye.One thing,tak tahu fulak I yg you ni anti soSial,suka terperap dlm bilik pegang kote,why before kawin dulu you didn't tell me?Salah I ke cause tak tanya him?.Ok la laki I kan,busuk2 pon I have to hadap but salah ke once in while I nak p kelua dng my sisters or p minum dng my friends.Semua pon nak kena ikut his mood.Dikurungnya I dlm rumah puaka ni 24/7 sorang2.I sunyi ok even when he was at home.Apa yg you dapat?I ni tak mendatangkan hasil.Enough for today.I'am felt guilty actually bila duk mengutuk him in this blog.Hari2 I need to find the strength in me to menghadap him.Buat mcm tak ada apa2 between us,plays the good wife when his mood baik mithali and when he bersikap annoyed like few weeks ago pulak pandai2 I la sana.Bila I mengadu to Tipah(she and ad5 je yg tahu my problem),kata her"you have to be strong and learn biah,banyak2 sabaq no"


Today kan birthday Anuar Jen,so mood I adalah happy :0)
J'adore,my love

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dik, why do you put up with his shit? Masa belum kawin dulu macam mana? You are educated (ada degreekan) so apa lah nak hadap dia lagi. It's not gonna get any better with him, ever. Get out while you are still young and have no dependants (read anak). While you still have a chance to find someone else, a chance to get a job, a chance to be happy. Life is so short. Pack up and go. Ask bang Aji for help till you can get on your feet.

Anonymous said...

akum.hi biah,hope diz finds you well.i juz wanna share a few of my thoughts with you.
1.firstly,bersabarlah atas dugaan n cabaran dat ur facing as it is a kafarah or penghapus dosa2 yg lepas.when allah loves someone he will test them with trials n tribulations.the benefits are :-
i. brings you closer to god.ini lumrah manusia dl quran ada tertulis,we often turn to god whn we r in trouble n we forget him during the 'happy' times
ii. menghapus dosa- the hardship u go thru insya allah will 'lighten' your burden di alam akhirat as it will expiate ur sins
iii. sabar dlm dugaan mengangkat darjat manusia - syurga itu untuk org yg sabar..there are many ayahs in the quran talking about ppl yg sabar

2. sabar does not mean that we endure 'kezaliman'. in islam, a husband have responsibilities that he needs to fulfil n failure of or inflicting harm like meliwat or tak bagi nafkah is a very big sin.just because he is your husband,he cannot do whatever hell he likes.he has to treat you according to whar allah has command him to.
tetapi.... you also have a very big responsibilty to him.
one of d most important thing is to be a loyal n chaste wife..tidak mengambil lelaki lain sbg teman or tempat mengadu. for things to change,we must change first.allah takkan mengubah nasib sesuatu kaum sehingga kaum itu mengubah nasib mrk sendiri.also,lelaki yg baik untuk perempuan yg baik n vice versa..lelaki jahat utk perempuan yg jahat..im just quoting verses from d quran..

for me,sabar means to approachvd situation as best as possible while asking allah for guidance to your next step.should u stay,should u leave ? no one can answer dat.u need to search your soul for the answers.n in searching our soul we need to go bck to allah n his words n his prophet's sunnah.allah put u in dis situation,only he is your way out.not abg haji or whoever.

3. love yourself
- i feel dat you may have deep unresolved issues that have led you to choose from one 'mr wrong' to the other. you must believe dat you deserve to be with someone who respect you.it is very obvious dat none of these men do.if your exes respected you,they would not continue to have affairs with you,lead your emotions to a dead end,keep in touch even tho ur married ect.what attracted you to them in d first place?

i am confident dat anyone can find happiness if they put their trust n love on allah.to love allah is to worship him,do what he wans n refrain from what displease him.i hope biah,it will one day b very clear to you dat your only way out is thru the road that leads you to allah...

-juz being your friend ,aleyah