Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Semalam yg Sentap

Bila I was decided to ber blogging ni,I pon buat some careful study.Research la kaedahnya,cehh...kan ke lagi berpaedah if I p buat MBA sana.About the pros and cons and the limitation.From my observations if we pandai mengawal emosi masa menulis or masa menjawab soalan2 yg berbaur provokasi lagi beremosi maka akan mendatangkan kepuasan hati/kebaikan kepada situkang tulis and situkang baca even though apa yg ditulis dan dibaca itu tak mendatangkan paedah langsung.For me,tujuan I ber blog ni bukanlah untuk memuaskan hati org,mencari teman,meminta simpati or pendapat yg menyokong I sesaja but lebih kepada untuk memuaskan hati sendiri dan melepaskan napsu marah dan kecewa I inew to the right place.I have to choose between the prude and the slut and if I pick (I da pilih nak jadi apa) one of them,other people still hate me for that.I can't do anything about it and I can't go back to how was before.

Dua tiga hari ni,I sangat la sentap dng kejadian-kejadian yg berlaku in this house and yes,berlaku la drama air mata yg mengharukan.

1.I was watching Hafalan Solat Delisa last weekend,cite about tsunami at Acheh,sedih la cite ni if nak compare dng cite ombak tu,eh I bukan nak buat preview film ye.Yg buat I sedih is bila denga tis movie punya ost.

Sembilan bulanku dlm rahimmu
bersusah payah oh ibu jaga diriku
sakit dan lelah tak kau hiraukan
demi diriku,oh ibu buah hatimu

Mencurah-curah air mata I then I p selongkar my handbag cari my late daughter punya gambar.Penyudahnya I lost my appetite to eat.If only I could tell her,"tak susah pon masa mommy mengandungkan Zara dulu".I realized,I sanggup kandungkan my daughter for a thousand years,if I could.

I still remember when I lost my daughter dulu sorang2 dtg kat I and talked something stupid,bagi semangat la kunon.

"how are you doing"

Anak I baru meninggal kan,tak kan I happy go lucky pulak.

"tak apa,biah kan masih muda.next year boleh beranak lagi"

Amboi mak cik senangnya you cakap,beranak then hilang anak tu bukan mcm p pilih gelang kat kedai pak habib.If berkenan beli,esok2 da boring p tukaq lain.Yg koyak rabak meneran tu I.

"are you okay?it won't hurt much kan?"

Pe hal?I bukan super women or mak2 yg lepas menyedap then beranak buang anak merata(we don't know kan,ntah2 depa lagi sedih but tak hade pilihang.mak mana tak sayang anak)Ikan mas I yg bela berbulan2 mati keracunan air pon I sedih ni pulak hilang my one and only daughter.

Things like that only made me want to punch them until their nose bled(mcm dlm movie tu la)cause kesakitan mcm tu sangat mudah difahami better than when I looked at the empty baby cot.It's hurt,sangat2.Tak ada siapa pon berani cakap what they all were truly thinking.

"I'am so glad it happened to you and not me"

Bukan ke senang tu.Sama2 paham.

2.I juga sentap bila yg disana duk meng compared between cucu disana dan cucu disini(yg sudah ke Rahmatullah).Jadi keping2 hati I mendengarkanya.Nak I bahasakan,sentap bertahun2 pulak nanti.Lain la if apaknya Tom Cruise kan so ada la harapan cucu you berupa Suri Cruise or if apaknya Daniel Craig ke(nak jantan mat seleh saja).Excuse me,at least cucu disini tak nyusahkan yg disana.Bill sepital pon sendiri bayar apetah lagi yg lain2nya.Mommy pakai duit saving nak beli el be bag tau sayang.

Yg disana tu kunon la duk ngata I ni tak khelas mcm depa cause belajaq pon at yu ai tee em je,depa kan come from Duke's family so blajaq at ipts yg sangat khelas gitu that why makapak tanggung until now.Slumber jer p apply brim.Beranak kat gomen pon makapak bayar.Khelasss kan depa...

I dhulu,after 2 weeks beranak da turun naik tangga.Naik la p ambik barang itu dan barang ini in the bedroom,p turun bawah mandi air daun,makan nasik halia,menguchap my sisters dengar then cukup je 29 days I balik sini.Duk la rumah sorang2 berpantang.Berpilis,berparam,berbengkung dan bertungku,semua buat sendiri.Bila da balik rumah of course la keja rumah pon kena buat,mengemas lah I,membasuh,memasak mcm org sihat.Eh,org ckp in pantang tak bleh pegang penyapu kan cause nti bentan but I slumber je menyapu from room to room(ini bukan statement action ok).Ye la if I tak buat tak kan the highness pulak yg nak kena buat(usah diharap la),masa I duk memboyot sarat pon sendiri buat ini kan fulak bila da beranak.Yg koyak rabak tu da berjahit kan.Pandai2 I le.

3.When it weekend,the highness bangun lambat.I pulak tak kira la bangun at 1 p.m. sekali pon but once I bangung tido je kena p cari penyapu,berkemas then masak.The highness bangun tidoq minta sandwich then p mandi then ngadap pc sampai ke petang.Tak boleh jadi ni,I da la sentap dng comment2 from Duke's family,sentap lagi bila denga that ost so I pon slumber ayam sound tepat to the highness.Then he off the pc.Sejak2 beranak dulu,I mmg slumber je duk sound the highness.Tak de nya I nak berdiam diri mcm dhulu2.I'am well prepared now.Let say kena penampau,mmg ada chance la I nak lari rumah.hikk...

I and the highness not really speak to each other.Gila hape,tak kan he nak tell me yg smlm he met the betina that why balik lambat and I fulak boleh je nak tell him yg last morning Bang Hj called from China but karang the highness naik hantu pulak.Bla la!.You called the betina pakai phone I then siap ckp bisik2 lagi,tak hade pon I naik hantu.I wish I could tell him that I miss my daughter sangat2.I could not stop thinking about her.I regretted the fact that I hadn't hugged her when she was born.I regretted having nine months and 14 days instead of ninety-nine years and 14 days.

I went outside,where the sun was so bright and it brought tears to my eyes...

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Zara yg sedang aman di syurga pasti sentiasa mendoakan yg baik2 untuk Ibu nyer.. amennn..

Anonymous said...

sedih i baca... :( I know how u feel..eventhough the situation is not the same, but I go through tough time every day of my life.. Sometimes I juz dont know where do I go wrong.. I believe ur a strong woman, though!!

-cinta-

biah gorgeous said...

anon,
Tq a lot

Cinta,Tq.everybody deserve to be happy and I think you know how to deal with your problem.
Memang banyak rupanya jantan2 yg berperangai ****.well,am not the right person to bagi you advise atau pandangan.Take care your self and wish you good luck.