Thursday, November 8, 2012

berhenti berharap


Bertahun hidup bersama jantan yang tak cintakan I (tapikan at night bila horny tahu pulak duk meraba between my legs) adalah sangat menyeksakan jiwa raga.I don't understand why la panjang pulak jodoh I dengan tis jantan even asal gaduh dalam pale otak I ni memang ingat nak bercerai je and now tak payah tunggu gaduh pon I memang nak bercerai sangat sangat cause da tak lalu nak hadap him.Had enough la kaedahnya,mana taknya da sampai tahap we don't even know what we argue about.

Today suka la I nak membuat announcement disini yang I sudah pon bebadan dua (yes you're right anon) and only God know how terkejut beruknya I with tis unexpected news but I believe pasti ada hikmahnya.After I lost my one and only baby Zara,I selalu berdoa agar suatu saat nanti Tuhan izinkan I untuk memiliki zuriat lagi but not with tis jantan.At first I memang ada terfikir nak p buat abortion,almost every morning I menangis duk memikirkan what will happen to me and tis unborn baby specially bila terkenangkan what was happened to my last pregnancy dulu.The worst part is bila fikir about duit, financially sah sah la I tak mampu(I kan serupa tak berlaki), tu belum kira perangai laki I yang tak serupa jantan yang dah berbini and am sure he will treat me like a shit even yang dalam perut ni sah sah anak dia.Tears drop...

After second checkup baru la I came to my senses, terfikir about dosa pahala and of course about mati too.Bila tengok at the scan's monitor my heart beats so fast and I can feel it, it's a love at first sight (that time I was in bandar puaka lagi) and I cried...Then baru la I tell him about this and of course la laki I was berok surprised too.He said,"nak buat macam mana terima je la,Tuhan da bagi kan.Itu rezeki".Macam la I ni bodoh sangat jantan oi...Ok enough about mengandung's story.

Disini lebih baik cause I can always menebeng at my parent's house and the best part is adik beradik I ada to support me (how I wish you were here too Bella),specially with my health condition yang so so ni kan tapi tu la yang tak bestnya bila dah selalu sangat jiran tetangga my parent tengok I kat sana without laki terchintaik so the rumors spread by it self,dasar mulut longkang.Neighbour depan rumah boleh pulak tanya I,"da duduk rumah mak terus ke?".So sial betul la,very the kampung minded!.In other words that agony mak cik try to say yang I ni sudah menjada la tu.Saja nak buat makapak I sedih.See macam mana la I nak menumpang at my parent's house bila betul betul becerai nanti???.

Talk about Bang Hj,I met him last month(finally).As usual he'd fetched me at KLCC after work.Merasa la I naik kete baru the binik.Konon la p test drive mecedis and pigot segala,sudahnya kete buatan Malaya je yang you mampu beli.Tak malu ke binik you p keja naik kete macam tu bang???.Seperti yang I jangka,after bertahun tahun tidak bertemu Bang Hj still the same,tak banyak berubah and orang tua tu comment about my new style (for him baru la kan).He said I tak sesuai bertudung then sempat lagi orang tua tu bagi I tips berfesyen,katanya why not I try tudung macam Yuna.Suka hati I la kan.Dia tak tahu tudung ariani I lebih mahal than the binik's scarf yang duk cover leher yang da berkedut tu. Well I still remember bang,you memang tak suka pompreng bertudung that why your binik yang lagi few years nak masuk 50 tahun tu still togel lagi(no offend ye),anak imam katanya...I know bang, your binik tu cukup sangat la the packages as the binik idaman(diva la katakan)but kan I wonder why la you still menyundal siang malam ye?.Sebab da berkedut sana sini just like you kan??? (excuse my language ye bang,hampon...don't serang I from Makasar ye).

Pertemuan dua hati itu berakhir dengan argument yang mengharukan when I talk straight his face yang I tak akan dan tak pernah terfikir pon nak berscandal dengan him and please respect my decision and my status too.Of course la si tua tu tak puas hati then he asked me pe kejadahnya selama ni he was waiting for me bertahun tahun?.Kalau bukan scandal what should we call tis bloody relationship status?.I tells him yang tak pernah pon I beg him to tunggu I bertahun tahun,he can come and go to hell ikut the binik's angin menopause and tell me why should I care about tis bloody relationship status?.There's no such thing la,we're just friend and not teman tapi mesra like laki I (jantan tak guna) and si Hapam fefek merenyam tu ye,full stop.Scandal pe kejadahnya?.All tis while apa yang si tua tu buat for me?.Cinta from him sah sah la palsu and if I gatal sangat nak berscandal banyak lagi ikan kat lua sana tu.I had enough of sardin tua.

Kata orang the first love is always the hardest to forget and I thought I had forgotten him but I was wrong.Nak melupakan Fernando adalah sangat hazab(tak semudah nak melupakan Bang Hj) even I myself yang p gatal menikah dengan jantan lain dan since berada di KL ni I was so terrified of terserempak him in town cause KL ni bukan besar mana kan.Soon or later sure jumpa punya.Nak nak lagi for the kaki rayap like me.When I tells tis to Bella,she asked me stop think about Fernando.Ish...am not gila talak ok,it because of I have a lot of shame and guilt beside that during weekday I will bersendirian kesana sini without laki,balik rumah parent pon sendiri.Nampak nau la yang I ni sangat kesunyian and pathetic.Harap weekends je la baru berteman but still without laki terchintaik.It so obvious,tak reti la I nak pretend yang kononya my marriage was so happy like my friend in the pasebook sana.Geng seperonggengan pon macam da tahu je about my disasters marriage but I buat tak paham je la.

Just recently I heard that Fernando was menghintung hari nak menikah(we lost contact since last June).Pompreng kureng berotak tu pulak duk kompang about the cencen tunang yang berege 3k,itu je ke yang ex-laki I mampu beli untuk you???.Kalau dapat Forevermark tak tahu macam mana la agaknya.Just make sure gambar tak senonoh you tu tak sampai ke tangan the royal family ye pompreng.

So many things happen lately and since berbadan dua ni I jadi makin sensitive and sometimes it's just hard to control what my heart feels.

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