Thursday, December 27, 2012

kerana dia...


I was in mysecond trimester now.Perot makin besar and am feel exhausted too.I cried myself to sleep almost every night,macam macam yang difikirkan and I was unable to control it.Siang hari pulak I sibuk dengan housechores yang tak penah habis.Tak sempat nak nap or doing my pilates but still juga I manage to curi curi masa cause am so takut jadi sebesar whale.Tak sanggup aku.I just can't imagine how it's going to be like if I had tis unborn baby.Matilah aku...

Today is Fernando's birthday actually but I can't find a strength in me to text him.Since pagi tadi I distracted myself dengan macam macam benda.I was so ashamed with myself cause he's the only jantan yang ingat mybirthday few months ago.Pagi pagi lagi I received a phone call from him and it made me remember the reasons I loved him and yes after that I cried and cried serupa pompuan gila cause laki yang I nikahi kerana cinta itu,puih... boleh buat buat tak tahu sama la dengan Bang Hj yang kononnya will always love me sampai mati but when it's come to myturn mengenakan dia pandai pulak orang tua tu merajuk.Ada I kisah bang???

I was thinking to stalk him on the fb but then am felt so afraid,takut I akan lebih terluka.If only he knew what's in myheart then I know he can understand why I didn't call or text him today but I percaya that jantan happy without me.Happy Birthday D...

I sangat terluka dengan segala perbuatan jantan tak guna itu,hati I hancur luluh bila dia terus menafikan hak I dan anak yang tak mengerti ini.I tak berharap lagi....

Demi mu anak,akan mommy bertahan...


2 comments:

Anonymous said...

do u think both u n hubby can sit down and try to work this marriage?
If the answer is no and he is mistreating you, it is better if you leave.Allah maha pengasih.we are not asked to endure torture.our husband should b our leader, lover, protector, friend.in the Quran the spouse is said to be a like a garment for each other..a garment is something so close to us, it keeps us warm and comfortable, protect our dignity and honour.
many ppl have survived, so can you.
what will u teach your child about respect and love?
You thinking and interacting with previous loves of your life is not only wrong but disrespectful to your husband.if he is also doing similar things then 2 wrongs don't make a right and its a good time to
start thinking about what is your marriage all about.

you deserve to be happy.
your baby deserves to b raised by happy parents and sometimes happy parents are parents who are not together.
happy parents create happy environments.


divorce happens.forget about what ppl want to say n focus on your baby.u can lead a stable and productive life as a divorcee.millions have done it.
maybe u can one day have another shot at love.better yet, maybe whn u leave ur hubby will realize what he has lost.

but pleaselah..cukup cukuplah interacting dgn laki org ie bang haji n Fernando although in your head its all innocent n u x have any intentions.
U nk marah kak hapam but its the pit calling the kettle blackflysh this ppl out of your system.its sooo toxic for you n ur just degrading yourself.obviously these guys x honour you.if they wanted you they would have fought to marry you n if they didn't they would respect that ur somebods wife.keeping them in your life is just mengundang bala.baladan tuhan banyak cara.so just stop already.

take care biah.u need to be healthy inside out.theres no other option.your baby depends on you.
don't destroy her life.she can b happy with just you.

Anonymous said...

I agree.From your blog entries, you are intelligent and beautiful and can be independent if you allow yourself to be.Get syariah legal advice how to terminate this destructive tie.A call is all you need.The more stressed up you are, the unhealthier it is to your baby.Hanya azab Allah can change your hubby or Abg Aji.And manipulative and abusive men will not change till one of you dies or if Allah gives azab which can turn him around.

Buat solat hajat and baca yassin every prayer and ask God for a way out.Do not overrule that this jantan sudah kasi you ilmu pengasih tht despite tne evil inflicted on you, you still could not breakaway.I know someone in that position.But do it gently.Jgn mengamuk2.Whatever move you take, do it calmly.No drama.