Wednesday, October 2, 2013

the heartbroken


Kak Ngah provoked me by saying,"dulu Fernando punyalah cinta mati dengan you,dia ikut cakap you but you tu yang degil.Kepala batu,you tinggal dia.Now you rasa la how your laki and his weird family layan you".Fuhh...makan dalam ok and I can saw my heart retak seribu.Orang tua tu pon satu, suruh I lupankan that jantan but why la tak habis habis duk mengungkit kisah lalu yang so tragically tu.

Well,I just realized all my kakaks include Bella,my mum&dad,my late brother and my Abg Cik sayangkan Fernando as much as I sayang him dulu.I'm feel so bad. Heart continuously retak seribu(jiwang sangat eh...)

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I've cried and cried serupa pompuan mati laki since last week.At work,my boss and the others pandang semacam je.Ye la mata I da macam kena gigit semut.No,it's not because of Fernando but it's because of I duk bergaduh dengan that jantan(laki bahabi).I pon tak faham why I sedih sangat cause it's not the first time that jantan cakap the things yang buat I sangat terluka(tak habis habis dengan terluka nya).I just can't believe that jantan sanggup cakap all these things.I myself tak pernah terfikir nak sakitkan hati him by saying that words(In tis blog tu lain cerita la khenn...)

The saddest part is lately we both laki binik duk bergaduh infront of our little darling,Adam.As a mother,am felt bad about that.We're not suppose to do such things.Adam just a small kid.I myself tak nak Adam gone through semua ni...I tak nak Adam ada memory yang tak baik about his parent.

I think masanya sudah tiba,we should choose our own direction.The Different direction...for the sake of our son.

Knowing him yang telonya berat sebelah,he's too afraid to face the reality.I know that jantan tak sampai hati nak berpisah dengan Adam.How can I take Adam away from him?.They adore each other.I myself,tak dapat bayangkan a night without Adam beside me.I can't imagine bila terpaksa berpisah dengan Adam during the weekend.I juga tak sanggup bila terpaksa turun naik court cause berebut hak penjagaan Adam...

Is it worth staying together just because of our son???.I feel trapped.We have nothing in common at all anymore.Dulu boleh la I cakap that"oh I do love him,in my way la" but now dah tak ada perasaan langsung ok yang ada benci dan dendam.I've tried very hard to berbaik dengan that jantan but it's difficult sangat.

The cerai berai will be tough for Adam.Apa boleh buat sayang,daddy tak pernah sayang mommy...Doa mommy semoga Adam sentiasa ada bersama.I love you so much son (oh...nangis lagik).However I'm sure Adam would like to see his mom happy.


to TTD :nak buat umrah but tak ada teman.I kan serupa tak ada laki(Bella cakap"abis tu yang beria nak p Paris tu bukan you nak p alone ke?")tak kan nak ajak the Bang Hj pulak.Apa pon doa kan je la niat I tercapai...

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sorry i hv to remain anony. i xkisah u know my identity. tp kalu kengkwn lain yg bc this blog tau. tu yg taknak. ok abis disclaimer as an anony. hehe...

erm. i think. for the moment cerai bkn lah jln terbaik. i rasa la. i bkn ada kt tmpt u kn.

1st. of cos, perebutan hak penjagaan will be too ugly n will take a looong time and very stressfull. unless u dpt pastikan dlm tempoh tu (cud be years), adam will grow as happy as other kids.

2ndly, since u now hidup as takde LAKI. mcm sama je. Lepas cerai n belum cerai - no diff. So y u nk cerai. Again, ini i rasa la. Bkn apa, skg ni yg penting adam kn. It makes no diff to you. But it is to him.

3rd. Of cos, adam wants u to be happy. But still, adam happiness is terutama skali.

i got a fren. cerai jgk. tapi anak2 dia happy psl parents dia yg bela. walau takde ayah as role model, dia guna atok dia as role model. and turun naik kt mahkamah tak melibatkan anak2 dia. becoz ada parents dia yg bekap. what if, parents dia tak ada utk bekap. what will the kids feel?

kdg cerai ni bkn perempuan yg minta pn kn. lelaki yg minta. ehehe

and lg 1. cerai is ketentuan Dia yg kt atas tu. Wether we want it we plan it or not.

So apa kata kita drop perkataan tu. And leave it to Him to decide?

Sorry kalau nasihat i mengganggu u. Seriously... I tak blame u ke nk menyakiti u ke. I cuma rasa.... hmm..

U may delete my comment if u dun like it. Sorry again.. Should hv write this. Tp kalu u bc smpai abis. Thank you so much...:D

p/s: i'd like to read your stories. sumtimes i feel tht we r related. i gave u my opinion, because its the way i think about things. i cud be wrong. :D

Anonymous said...

This experience based on my sister herself. Berat mata memandang berat lg bahu memikul. Ada suami tapi tak menghargai. Dpt mertua plak treat her like shit. My sister asked for divorce. She just couldnt stand all this nonsense. The relationship was full of hatred. To her without husband life is way much better. Blessed with beautiful baby girl. She's right. After the divorce her life changed a lot. Life gets much better. Of course we as her family give all the support that we can. Now 7 years passed by. The baby girl now grows into a beautiful girl. No daddy around dia pun tak kisah. Never missed what she never have. Brought up in a peaceful surrounding sb tak de mak bapak yg bertekak. Surprisingly the relationship of this divorced parents becomes better with time but no intention of reconciliation.

To me if living separately gives better life quality then be it. Cerai is not haram. It is an option that Allah gives us. My two cents opinion.

The Tea Drinker said...

hak jagaan kanak favours the mother.

tapi blog ni should kasi sorok kot2 gaya bahasa diguna sebagai bahan rujukan.

#justsaying