Saturday, March 28, 2015

lelaki


Sometimes, I wonder why I chose this path.

A few days ago that jantan ada tanya I,katanya I ni sayang lagi ke tidak dengan dia.Of course la I tergelak bila dengar that question kan then I replied, I told him the truth fact. Dia diam seribu bahasa…

Lepas tu I had a long conversation with Bella about this topic, oh ya before that I nak bagi tahu yang Bella da pindah to Dandenong dengan laki orang putih dia tu. I told her about what was happened last week,as usual pompuan tu marah gila dengan nenek agong then katanya,”ko ni sangat sabar kan,if I were you sure aku da lari”.Then I pon cakap la yang I memang nak lari sangat but until now I still tak tahu where should I go.I tak ada plan,all this while I just go with the flow.

Bella: Yes I know,your life is hard but ok let say ko berambus away from that house then ko kawin lain belum tentu lagi laki ko tu nanti lebih baik than Abang S.Trust me ko tak akan jumpa laki yang perfect.

Me:Ish,ko ni kan ada ke aku cakap aku nak carik jantan lain.

Bella: Bukan ke ko selalu mengadu sunyi la , tak cinta la…

Me:That true,memang sunyi,memang tak cinta and yes aku da tak lalu nak hadap semua ni but for the time being aku tak ada choice,Adam kecik lagi.

Bella: Kak Ana cakap,jahat sangat ke Abang S tu,ada zalim macam firaun tak?

Me: Why you tell me this?

Bella:Dia suruh aku tanya ko.

Me:Oh please la.Of course firaun tu lagi zalim…

I admitted to her that I’m desperate. I memang selalu terfikir yang if let say I kelua from this house, I try to back on the track, after that (maybe after 1 or 2 year) baru I akan consider about nak kawin lagi. The main point why I meroyan is because I da penat sangat nak hadap the drama.

I selalu rasa yang I ni bukan muda lagi(I rasa macam da tua sangat).I’ve change a lot. I wonder boleh ke I nak bercinta lagi.At my age, jantan yang nak kawan dengan I mostly da ada bini (yang ni next time je la I cerita ok) and jantan around my age pulak sure looking for a single women. If I told Tipah or the others (read: my bff) yang selama I menikah dengan that jantan,sekali pon I tak penah curang,sure pompuan tu fikir banyak kali.Tapi tu la memang tak ada pon. Bang Hj tu punya la janji bulan bintang if I leave that jantan he willing to jaga I siang malam (macam dia tu hebat sanagt) sikit pon I tak tergoda.

I ada terfikir satu saat nanti bila Adam da besar and ada life sendiri then how about me,masa tu sure I da tua sangat(tak kan da tua baru nak divorce) then I will stay with that jantan and the drama sampai mati.Ok I admit, uols sure perasan kan (kalau perasan la) lately ni I jarang meroyan about him, it not because dia tu da berubah jadi baik but yes lately ni so far dia da boleh tolerate sikit dengan I and Adam recently for the 1st time after so many many years I jadi binik suruhan, dia belikan I present during my birthday and dia punya baran pon tak ada la teruk sangat macam dulu (or because dia da penat nak layan I yang suka melawan ).
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I mimpi jumpa Fernando,I cium tangan dia then minta maaf for everything.I do told him yang selama bertahun tahun ni I tak pernah lupakan dia (siap nangis nangis segala).Bila I tersedar I memang betul betul nangis ok.
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Bella said everybody has their own obstacles and she knows that I am smart and strong enough to solve my problems.


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