Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Semalam yg Sentap

Bila I was decided to ber blogging ni,I pon buat some careful study.Research la kaedahnya,cehh...kan ke lagi berpaedah if I p buat MBA sana.About the pros and cons and the limitation.From my observations if we pandai mengawal emosi masa menulis or masa menjawab soalan2 yg berbaur provokasi lagi beremosi maka akan mendatangkan kepuasan hati/kebaikan kepada situkang tulis and situkang baca even though apa yg ditulis dan dibaca itu tak mendatangkan paedah langsung.For me,tujuan I ber blog ni bukanlah untuk memuaskan hati org,mencari teman,meminta simpati or pendapat yg menyokong I sesaja but lebih kepada untuk memuaskan hati sendiri dan melepaskan napsu marah dan kecewa I inew to the right place.I have to choose between the prude and the slut and if I pick (I da pilih nak jadi apa) one of them,other people still hate me for that.I can't do anything about it and I can't go back to how was before.

Dua tiga hari ni,I sangat la sentap dng kejadian-kejadian yg berlaku in this house and yes,berlaku la drama air mata yg mengharukan.

1.I was watching Hafalan Solat Delisa last weekend,cite about tsunami at Acheh,sedih la cite ni if nak compare dng cite ombak tu,eh I bukan nak buat preview film ye.Yg buat I sedih is bila denga tis movie punya ost.

Sembilan bulanku dlm rahimmu
bersusah payah oh ibu jaga diriku
sakit dan lelah tak kau hiraukan
demi diriku,oh ibu buah hatimu

Mencurah-curah air mata I then I p selongkar my handbag cari my late daughter punya gambar.Penyudahnya I lost my appetite to eat.If only I could tell her,"tak susah pon masa mommy mengandungkan Zara dulu".I realized,I sanggup kandungkan my daughter for a thousand years,if I could.

I still remember when I lost my daughter dulu sorang2 dtg kat I and talked something stupid,bagi semangat la kunon.

"how are you doing"

Anak I baru meninggal kan,tak kan I happy go lucky pulak.

"tak apa,biah kan masih muda.next year boleh beranak lagi"

Amboi mak cik senangnya you cakap,beranak then hilang anak tu bukan mcm p pilih gelang kat kedai pak habib.If berkenan beli,esok2 da boring p tukaq lain.Yg koyak rabak meneran tu I.

"are you okay?it won't hurt much kan?"

Pe hal?I bukan super women or mak2 yg lepas menyedap then beranak buang anak merata(we don't know kan,ntah2 depa lagi sedih but tak hade pilihang.mak mana tak sayang anak)Ikan mas I yg bela berbulan2 mati keracunan air pon I sedih ni pulak hilang my one and only daughter.

Things like that only made me want to punch them until their nose bled(mcm dlm movie tu la)cause kesakitan mcm tu sangat mudah difahami better than when I looked at the empty baby cot.It's hurt,sangat2.Tak ada siapa pon berani cakap what they all were truly thinking.

"I'am so glad it happened to you and not me"

Bukan ke senang tu.Sama2 paham.

2.I juga sentap bila yg disana duk meng compared between cucu disana dan cucu disini(yg sudah ke Rahmatullah).Jadi keping2 hati I mendengarkanya.Nak I bahasakan,sentap bertahun2 pulak nanti.Lain la if apaknya Tom Cruise kan so ada la harapan cucu you berupa Suri Cruise or if apaknya Daniel Craig ke(nak jantan mat seleh saja).Excuse me,at least cucu disini tak nyusahkan yg disana.Bill sepital pon sendiri bayar apetah lagi yg lain2nya.Mommy pakai duit saving nak beli el be bag tau sayang.

Yg disana tu kunon la duk ngata I ni tak khelas mcm depa cause belajaq pon at yu ai tee em je,depa kan come from Duke's family so blajaq at ipts yg sangat khelas gitu that why makapak tanggung until now.Slumber jer p apply brim.Beranak kat gomen pon makapak bayar.Khelasss kan depa...

I dhulu,after 2 weeks beranak da turun naik tangga.Naik la p ambik barang itu dan barang ini in the bedroom,p turun bawah mandi air daun,makan nasik halia,menguchap my sisters dengar then cukup je 29 days I balik sini.Duk la rumah sorang2 berpantang.Berpilis,berparam,berbengkung dan bertungku,semua buat sendiri.Bila da balik rumah of course la keja rumah pon kena buat,mengemas lah I,membasuh,memasak mcm org sihat.Eh,org ckp in pantang tak bleh pegang penyapu kan cause nti bentan but I slumber je menyapu from room to room(ini bukan statement action ok).Ye la if I tak buat tak kan the highness pulak yg nak kena buat(usah diharap la),masa I duk memboyot sarat pon sendiri buat ini kan fulak bila da beranak.Yg koyak rabak tu da berjahit kan.Pandai2 I le.

3.When it weekend,the highness bangun lambat.I pulak tak kira la bangun at 1 p.m. sekali pon but once I bangung tido je kena p cari penyapu,berkemas then masak.The highness bangun tidoq minta sandwich then p mandi then ngadap pc sampai ke petang.Tak boleh jadi ni,I da la sentap dng comment2 from Duke's family,sentap lagi bila denga that ost so I pon slumber ayam sound tepat to the highness.Then he off the pc.Sejak2 beranak dulu,I mmg slumber je duk sound the highness.Tak de nya I nak berdiam diri mcm dhulu2.I'am well prepared now.Let say kena penampau,mmg ada chance la I nak lari rumah.hikk...

I and the highness not really speak to each other.Gila hape,tak kan he nak tell me yg smlm he met the betina that why balik lambat and I fulak boleh je nak tell him yg last morning Bang Hj called from China but karang the highness naik hantu pulak.Bla la!.You called the betina pakai phone I then siap ckp bisik2 lagi,tak hade pon I naik hantu.I wish I could tell him that I miss my daughter sangat2.I could not stop thinking about her.I regretted the fact that I hadn't hugged her when she was born.I regretted having nine months and 14 days instead of ninety-nine years and 14 days.

I went outside,where the sun was so bright and it brought tears to my eyes...

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Apam dan Karma

I was not too surprised or too disappointed when the first time I found out about Ash and his centa mati,Apam le sapa lagi kan?.The best rectum!.And yes,I did not think it would effect my marriage.I'am not the cemburu buta type,tak kan la the binik nak kena check hari2 apa the laki buat kata lua sana kan as if the binik ni tak ada benda lain nak dibuatnya difikirkanya.Until la I did realized about the truth story between both of them.

Well,I ni tak se lucky Apam yg ada ramai bff and suku sakat yg so supportive gitu ,even terang2 buat benda yg berkonsepkan puaka pon bff and suku sakat akan like the status bersama comments yg sama puaka.But tidak la I cuba mengatakan yg adik beradik suku sakat I or my comolot friends ni semuanya set2 tak boleh pakai.As the youngest,of course la sangat manja dan sangat rapat dng makapak dan abangakak I.Same thing la kaedahnya dng my comolot friends.They will always embrace me.Akan tetapi as a pompuan yg tak berapa gemar bercakap banyak dan tak suka memeningkan pala hotak org yg disayangi so I will not simply sikit2 nak mengadu apatah lagi menyuarakan what on mymind in my pasebook wall.But then,after dihina dan dikasari beberapa kali oleh lelaki ini,I finally decided to bukak pekong didada I inew.I talked to my kesayangan sister then she mengadu pulak to my big brother(nasib la makapak tak dibagi tahu) but until now I never tell them about the whole stories.I told her that my marriage was pretty good but biasa la I kan manja,sikit2 nak merajuk so masa we both gaduh2 manja tu(manja la sangat)mcm mana ntah Ash tertumbuk muka I.Why?,I ada banyak sebab:

1.I tak nak malukan Ash and I believed yg Ash akan berubah (mungkin tidak)

2.I know,my sisters la nanti yg hover nangis siang mlm mengenangkan nasib I.

Sama la keadaanya bila I termengadu to Tipah and ad5.Yang patut-patut je la cause both of them kan tak menikah lagi,karang takut pulak nak berlaki.Pada Bang Hj pon begitu juga,tak hade la I ni kejanya nak mengadu saja cause tis Hj bukan boleh tolong apa pon.Sikit2 suruh I lari rumah.

So hari inew I nak bercerita about why la I benci sangat2 dng Apam even ada lagi betina(i menikah dng player taik koceng rupanya)him yg duk sibuk spying on me.This one I malas nak comment cause for me selagi that betina tak mengganggu perasaan I or do something di luar tabie so biaq p la sana.Tak daya I nk merempan.

For me tak salah pon if ex-boipren or ex-gepren berhubungan sekali sekala,nak lagi bila both sides da clear yg masing2 ada life sendiri i.e. tipon or sms tanya khabar yg patut2 but tak tahu pulak I yg depa ni kejanya duk stim2 saja.Ash pon dng confident nya duk bagi tahu I yg both of them mmg still berkawan but he know about the limitation so I kena la paham.Bila lagi few months nak menikah tu,I was accidentally(i do not believe in accident too)tahu about what was actually happened behind my back.Tak usah cakap la mcm mana luluhnya jantung I that time.Ash told me that's nothing happens between both of them and it's will be so much harder for him to explain it and he promised that it won't happen again.All the wedding preparation da siap semua,hotel da booked,card da diedar and i was counted the days.Tahu lah I yg semua ni tak ada penyudahnya dan tak perlu la I nyatakan disini kenapanya I ni bodoh sangat?.Boleh je cancle the wedding.Ye,bercakap2 sangat la easy.It's broke my fragile heart into pieces bila I tahu sehari berofe we both menikah,Ash still merayu2 Apam yg merajuk tak hengen to attend the wedding reception.Then,mula la drama bila tis Apam menyamarkan dirinya(nak berdrama kunon but the plan sangat la bodoh) as if I ni tak kenal her.

When tis Apam was introduced herself as dotdot,my instinct was told me:ini la betina yg sikit2 gatal pussy then cari laki I,eh laki you pon cari her la,biah.Tell you what,we sometimes boleh tahu about the person yg we never meet from the way that person talk or write.You desperate nak tahu sangat kan mcm mana paras rupa I(ceh...),I skolah takat mana?,sapa suku sakat I?,ok fine I don't care cause I know how to play the slut character.Bohong la if I ckp yg I ni tak terhengen tahu about her,at least tengok muka pon jadi la but not my style la nak menyamau2 ni.Mcm2 juga la dikata dan dihinanya I in her blog.Tak berperasaan everytimes I read about both of them.She wrote about how keciwaknya dan cemburunya her bila Ash decided to menikah,about marahnya her to me when I was merempan2 marahkan Ash cause bersodok sodokkan dng her,about their teman tapi mesra concept yg tak hengen I fahami and mcm2 la and her bbf fulak and suku sakat jadi nasik tambah.Out of blue,tis Apam had enough agaknya then she mengaku la yg selama ni she was purak2 tak kenal I and she told me to not hungkit2 benda yg sudah.Masa you start the crap dulu ada you fikir about the consequences?.Please don't forget tis cause you yg mulakan dulu.

Bila da jadi kawan in pasebook lagi la I tahu about kepuakaan tis Apam.Siap cakap dng I to not worried about both of them anymore cause masing2 da ada luvely partner(shialla) and she told me that both of them da jarang contact.Yes,I percaya sangat sama mcm I percaya ckp laki I.Marah Tipah when I talked to her about tis and she asked me why I tak sound tepat to tis Apam?.Apa paedahnya?.What do I expect from tis Apam?.Pompuan yg sok bagus,apatah lagi nak akui her mistakes and I don't gave a shit pon when tis Apam tak reti nak minta ampon cause suka2 cari pasal dng I dulu.I know,bukannya besa sangat kemaafaan from I ni.And boleh ke I claim kat sini yg semua kecelakaan yg dtg to tis Apam because of karma.Cause she was menyakiti I dng niat or perlu ke I sumpah her(nak2 lagi she's pregnant now).I bukan siapa2 and I juga tak kuasa nak pretend baik kat sini(tak dapat apa pon),so biaq p sana la.Same thing dng Ash,karma ke bila Duke's family porak peranda?.Karma ke cause his life tak mcm his other friends yg super suck cess and karma ke cause ber binikan I.

Pagi tadi ada lagi seorang penyamar yg telah me request I as her friend in pasebook.I tahu sapa geranganya ,apa yg you nak tahu sangat pasal I yg serba tiada ni?.Bukan ke you tu****lah sangat so op kos la you're serba serbi bagus.Pegi la tanya the Royal's family sana cause depa kenal I from top to toe that why la I ni tak layak become part of their family and sorry la ye cause I was well prepared.Person who learn from their mistakes or maybe others mistakes learns and person who continually make a mistakes learns nothing and am not the type yg suka cari pasal.Pasal nak cari I biaq p la,kan Bang Hj.

Friday, February 17, 2012

The Heartbreaking Words

I read the comment from one of the readers(idak la I ni ber feeling feeling mcm banyak nau yg baca tis blog),in my last entry last evening.As a binik yg lonely lagi ter neglected,I mmg selalu je over reacting.So sad.Terasa I la binik paling malang tak berbau in this world,I lupa kat lua sana there are plenty of binik2 yg lagi sengsara than me.Specially when i read the first line,"dik,why you put up with his shit".Kata orang,the truth is ugly.I have no words.Sudahnya semalaman I duduk termenung,jadi seorang pemikir.Tak hade mood terus nak nengok cerita The Rum Diary.Sorry la ye bang Johnny.

I'am trying to find the strenght in me to respond about the question in this blog.I've never been very good at words.Grammar pon tonggang langgang(kan Pam).Tak sanggup rasanya I nak explain about the detail.I try not to remember those moment.Fact it's was haunted me everdyday.I kenal Ash from my friend,tak penah jumpa pon.It's was a blind date la kaedahnya then after the 1st meeting we both terasa ada kimia pulak.puih...Tak sampai 1 year pon berkasih kasihan,he proposed me.Actually I ni tak Ia desperate nak menikah cause I ada banyak lagi benda nak buat i.e future study,cari keja best(after met him, I tak bekerja dah)but setelah dipujuk oleh my mak I pon menikah la.Tak de la I put the blame on my mak.His mum pon mmg nak Ash settle down cause(da tua,his friend mostly da beranak pinak),da tak lalu nak hadap betina2 yg Ash bawak balik,tak kena dimata her(yg his mum berkenan da kawin dng jantan lain pulak).Why me?I educated than Apam.I thought la cause rasanya ni la one of the reasons why his mum chose me.Sebolehnya I don't want to mention anything about his parent,apatah lagi write about benda2 yg kurang baik but 1st time I met his parent dulu,his mum punya muka sangatlah ketat.Siap tanya I ni berkelulusan apa?Makapak I duduk bunglo mana?Cukup la ye.Beside nk compare dng his others betina I tak kenal pulak(now da banyak yg I tahu.Ash the real asshole)

I was agreed to menikah because I thought,after I berlaki nti ada someone to menumpang kasih dng cara yg halal disisi agama,ada tempat mengadu,yg akan sokong kerjaya dan cita2 I,I dreamed of a life like he promised but he'd broke my dreams.He'd broke everything.Salah I cause tak buat background check.I received his thight penampau only after 3 months menikah.Almost everyday I terkejut beruk dng perangai setan him and his apamfuck rules and regulation.I cermin myself yg serba tiada ini,be the good wife,I buang perangai manja tak bertempat I to pleasing him,tak bermasyarakat,berkawan pon dng horang2 yg kena dimata him,berpakaian ala2 Apam:please la,tak koser I ok!.I ke yg tak cukup baik for him?.I tak tahu dimana silapnya.We had a difficult talk.It will end up dng sepak terajang,baling balingan dan sumpah sumpahan.

Kalau Bang Hj nk carikan I kerja,boleh sangat but what do I expect from jantan bacul mcm tis Hj.Takut the binik and the society yg sikit2 nak hukum org masuk neraka tahu kekejianya.But at least tis Hj promised me that no matter what,he will always embrace me.Tolong I semampu him.And he did it.Yes,Ash was successfully meletakan I di bawah tapak kaki him.He was never respected me as a wife and he managed to make me lost my confidence.Anon,can u tell me how should I rebuild my life?Perlu ke I tagih simpati org kat lua sana?Minta org bagi I kerja?I tried specially after my only lillte princess left me.Mommy miss you so much,Princess.See,emotional I dibuatnya.

Ash told me,if I dpt kerja nti I've to pay the house rental and all my bills.Tell you what,in my morahan purse now cuma ada 1$.The rest,yg kunon2nya I nak stand by incase I terpaksa kelua from this house itu,selamat I invested in JJ dotdot last new year cause da lama tak berbaju baru.All tis while I tak penah beli baju at JJ.Mesken2 pon I bought it from Zarak ke Manggok ke but I'am not trying to say org lain yg beli baju at JJ ni tak kelas ye.Sama je mcm p the other boutiques like Zarak,ada yg murah dan mahal.In other words am trying to say Ash tak bagi I sesen pon.If I nak apa2 kena tunggu his mood baik mithali even if I teringin nak beli ice cream yg ber rege 50 cent.

Pack up my rete benda and get out of tis house.I wish I could be the shameless jalang so I can leave tis house and stay with Bang Hj without regret.I stayed because I tak tahu nak kemana.I takut end up just like my other friends,after menjanda macam2 jantan di trynya and i know Bang Hj tak akan kawin dng I.Afraid of being alone actually.It's very difficult for me to adjust to being alone again.I tak mungkin back to my parent house cause I don't think yg I sanggup tengok my mak menangis over my broken marriage and I just don't want to be a burden to my family.Cukup la Ash sorang je yg anggap I ni as a liability.Burden.I still remember,kata Ash before I menikah dng him pon I mmg tak kerja so don't be so demanding sangat.Sometimes he sibuk bercerita about his friend yg the binik bergaji besau and afford to beli mcm2 for the husband then when I told him why he tak cari anak sultan sana then he tak payah keja.Duduk rumah pegang kote je.Why menikah dng I?Diam seribu bahasa him.Same thing kaedahnya when everytime he tried to compared me with other betinas lain."eh,I suka pompuan yg simple,yg boleh disodok rectum nya,yg boobs nya XXL size without silicon".Haram jaddah!

Anon,
thanks for your kind comment

I was missing Bang Hj so much last night cause I need someone to talk.I miss him badly,it's a most wonderful painful thing that happen to me then I pon sms Bang Hj yg jauh dimata jauh dihati itu.He replied immediately.

+6285**090****
miss u too salam dari Jakarta

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Memoir

Semalam was a Valentine's Day.Of course la I yg di neglected oleh lelaki ini tidak men celebrate nya(according to fatwa:haram),my birthday and our wedding anniversary yg setahun sekali tu pon he just buat bodoh,so what do I expect from tis jantan kan.

Haram is haram la kan ,I yg uneducated ni tak nak la comment lebih2 sangat about this issue but for me yg sudah terbiasa dibelai dan dimanja dng kasih sayang yg kejap hade kejap tak hade,centa palesu and segala bentuk material ini(I refer to Bang Hj tembam & Him)amatlah excited menunggu special occasion begini cause ada la reason I nak present itu ini kan if not nak kena merajuk dulu baru la dapat.I still remember this when I minta jam guess from Bang Hj(tengah bulan tu,duit tak berapa nak ada kata him).As usual macam2 la alasan him tak nak belikan so I pon merajuk plus mengamuk sekali.I campak baju2 him into bathtub yg penuh air.Bergaduh besar jugak la.Siap threatened him nak break off segala.Finally Bang Hj was pasrah dan menyerah,diturutkan juga napsu I ni so berdua2an la ke guess what Midvalley,siap dapat free gift lagi tau.Bang Hj tembam i cayang told me that the binik also da lama minta him beliin jam baru(binik you kan bergaji besau,sure tak main jam below 1000$ mcm i kan),he said that he just buat bodo je but he beliin for me juga finally even masa I mengamuk tu I cubit2 perot bouncet him."sakit tau",kata him.Then he said because of he love me badly so he don't mind berabis duit ringgit.Tersenyum2 i bila teringat about this.Let's talk about the saddest part pulak ye.After I graduated dulu,I dapat keja as a cabuk executive in a well-known company(boleh la kan) actually that was my second jobs so Bang Hj sangat la happy then he send me a bouquet of white roses.Rose is signifies passion,love,beauty and perfection but why must white?Tak terfikir pulak nak tanya him that time,bukan ke white tu indicate for innocence or starting anew(yg I tahu la).Persetan la semua tu.I was extremely happy la kan cause ada jantan bagi bunga sampai ke office.Blooming.com tu,kelas ko biah,kata akak receptionist.Terasa diri inew hot kejap.I thought panas sampai ke petang,ntah mcm mana bolehnya I terjumpa card hucapan from the same florist.Rupanya tis Hj juga menghantar bunga2an to the binik.Adil kan salah satu syarat for jantan2(miang like him) yg nak or sudah berpoligami.I pon hingat2 luper what was tis Hj wrote in the card cause da bertahun2 ago but yg buat hati I yg so small ini robek and rusak binasa is when I read the last line"I love you so much sayang :0)".Mcm shial kan?.Tak cinta la kunon.What do I expect kan...Eh,I juga tak lupa.Bertahun2 yg lalu,Bang Hj telah menyeprisekan I dng membawa I p mentekedarah or lebih romantic lagi is candlelight dinner gitu(yes,gelap gelita kat dlm tu)in a one of popular clubs at Jln P.Ramlee masa tu the day before Vday.Kira merasa juga la kan.The foods boleh la,it's cost about 200$++ for 2 paxs.Baik p makan kat Chili's KLCC jek.Lagi sedap.

Bersama Him pulak,kekasih lama puaka.Bila kawin dng lelaki ini yg panas baran,berlaku romantic jauh sekali apatah lagi nak bagi tis binik present segala.Kata Ash,rugi beli bunga ni,da la mahal cepat layu dan tak boleh dimakan(whatever!).Apa la agaknya si Apam dapat from him kan cause I found Apam's card.She wrote about happy nya her dng present yg Ash bagi itew.Penuh card tu she wrote both name menjadi satu,e.g:apamash apamash 14 juta kali and siap lekat pooh bear lagi,fuck!.I da selamat bako ok that card.If Ash tahu ni ada harapan la I nak merasa penampau then kena halu rumah(his belagak word,everytime we both had a big fight).I can't wait!Next time i berambus betul2.Now I realized that no one loved me more than he did.He will ikut saja kemahuan I.Tak payah tunggu Vday,tahu2 ada je Mat Pion(betul ke my spelling ni)tersengeh depan pintu rumah I duk pegang bouquet of flowers,normally roses cause that's my favourite flower.His office kan dekat dng kedai bunga beside nyonya kedai bunga tu kenal him(boss besar kan),so dapat le discount sikit.Minta la apa saja,he don't mind.Credit card him pon was in my purse.Tablet yg I kutuk2 ni pon from him actually.Sometimes tu he came to my house mlm2 buta just because I teringin nak makan sate.Pointer I so so pon he don't mind belikan I present.Kata him,he so proud because I rajin belajar(rajin lew sangat).Bila I dpt DL(nasib je ni cause berkawan dng Tipah yg pandai),lagi la he was so excited.Tak cakap banyak dibaginya I,his atm card suruh p shopping sana.Masa dng him dulu,I hade kete sport tu(you penah naik kan Tipah,we went to Pyramid,nengok cite hantu *^!#%~< Puaka Tebing Biru).I la yg tak pandai menilai platinum and besi karat.I wrote yg baik2 saja about him today,yg tak baik tu esok2 la.I will pay for my mistake.

Ash baik2 saja even banyak sangat yg I tak setuju dng cara him me managed tis marriage.e.g:Ash mengongkong I as if I ni ratu cantik India.Pakai itu tak boleh,ini tak boleh.Excuse me,if you nak binik yg set2 perempuan berkalung serban then belikan lah kainbaju yg sesuai dng kehendak you itu.Kemut nak mampos,kainbaju yg I beli plus from my exes semua stock2 yg ketat2 ye.One thing,tak tahu fulak I yg you ni anti soSial,suka terperap dlm bilik pegang kote,why before kawin dulu you didn't tell me?Salah I ke cause tak tanya him?.Ok la laki I kan,busuk2 pon I have to hadap but salah ke once in while I nak p kelua dng my sisters or p minum dng my friends.Semua pon nak kena ikut his mood.Dikurungnya I dlm rumah puaka ni 24/7 sorang2.I sunyi ok even when he was at home.Apa yg you dapat?I ni tak mendatangkan hasil.Enough for today.I'am felt guilty actually bila duk mengutuk him in this blog.Hari2 I need to find the strength in me to menghadap him.Buat mcm tak ada apa2 between us,plays the good wife when his mood baik mithali and when he bersikap annoyed like few weeks ago pulak pandai2 I la sana.Bila I mengadu to Tipah(she and ad5 je yg tahu my problem),kata her"you have to be strong and learn biah,banyak2 sabaq no"


Today kan birthday Anuar Jen,so mood I adalah happy :0)
J'adore,my love

Friday, February 10, 2012

Loneliness to Schizophrenic

I don't have a concrete reasson why I haven't been updating this blog.Beside,hade horang kisah ke I tak hupdate blog???

Since I mintak cerai that day,Ash jadi baik la pulak if not kejanya nak mem provoke I saja but itu je la yg improved,yg lain harom.I don't understand with tis jantan,tahan him terperap dlm bilik mengadap buku or pc dari pagi till petang.Bercakap dng I bila perlu.Peduli apa him about my feeling,pandai2 i la sana,I ni da mcm duduk one roof dng vampire yg tak boleh kena sunlight.Dah bertahun2 ok I hidup mcm ni.Just recently I had a conversation about fasakh with ex-classmate yg baru ber status single again and ready to mingle,janda berhias gitu.She said ada 16 sebab yg membolehkan isteri2 memohon fasakh.One of the reassons is bila si jantan tak bercakap dng isterinya or in other words is bersikap acuh tak acuh.Macam mana tu?Penat la myfriend meng explained nya.Maklum je la,I ni kan uneducated.Apa yg I tahu if the jantan tak bagi nafkah zahir batin or belasah binik suka2 hati then ada sebab la we women can apply the fasakh.My friend told me lagi if the jantan hade betina lain then we women yg dikatakan lemah ni boleh sue that betina cause menggatal dng our laki.Proses cerai berai ni complicated juga actually.The worst part is naik turun court,belum kira bab kena sound dng org2 bijak pandai kat pejabat agama sana.Tak sanggup I.So since yesterday I pon busy meng google about cerai berai.

Al-kisahnya dng Him,laki tak jadi I itu.We both ber sms last week.Saja la kan bertanya khabar,I rindu him actually but tak hade la I tell him kan.Mula2 tu ok la but suddenly his mood berpuaka pulak."sudah la tu b,tak baik buat mcm ni.b kan da kawin.start your new life sana,lupakan d",he wrote.Jantan...begitu la adanya.Ada yg baru mula la lupa diri.Later if yg baru berambus away yg lama ni juga dicarinya."yes,I have my own life beside apa yg tak baiknya?ada ke b cakap yg b rindu bayangan dng d or ajak romen?",I wrote.Then he replied back immediately."serious,d yg rindu sangat dng b actually.b tak rindu d ke?",he wrote.Jantan,begitula adanya."d ni ckp tak serupa bikini la,now da rindu pulak.it's dosen't matter.even d benci b,talk a bad things about b bersama2 ex-janda itew or even if d kawin nti.trust me,d akan selalu teringatkan b.",I wrote.So tak usah la action sangat ye.Sometimes I feel like to screaming so loud so that he can hear me but apakah paedahnya?

I told to Bang Hj about this then he said why I p gatai ber sms dng jantan puaka mcm tu?Bang Hj tembam I ni kan tak paham tau perasaan pompuan ter neglected mcm I ni.Semalam Bang Hj menelefon I,he was on leave lagi.Mengadu manja kat I about his staff yg super lembab plus pemalas itu.If i keja at your office sure u tak pening then centa lama berputik kembali.puih...Bang Hj juga complained about his binik yg kejanya duk hangin sesaja.I paham la bang why u simpan binik u itew.Then he told me about his new Indonesian maid yg muda montok.Kata him it's remind him of me masa muda2 dulu.Cantik and solid.Excuse me,now pon body I still maintain lagi,lain la binik u and her middleagelife crisis tu.Tell her,if panjang umur semua org pon rasa jadi tua.Bolehnya disamakan I dng his maid.Tengok la jantan...pandang maid pon bernapsu.Karang binik u tahu...Kata him lagi"start from next week abg p outstation tau".Then I told him la bila ke Dubai nti I want Dior yellow tote tau but he said I kena p with him then he will buy anything yg I minta.Sudah la bang,cakap je la u tak nak belikan.Habis cerita.Nak suruh I ikut him kunon.I ni kan binik org,I tak kan buat keja tak berpaedah tu just because nk puaskan napsu I yg nak ber Dior handbag ni.Benci tau.

Tipah pulak,why diam seribu bahasa?Org da habis demam ombak rindu la.Apa masalah u,Pah?Terserempak Ari Wibowo kat Padang Kota lagi ke?Jangan dilayan jantan mcm tu.Tak pasal2 nti u kena jaga ank tiri.Kawin tu tak kan solve problem yg sedia ada if nasib tak baik,jadi mcm I ni.Problem bertimbun2.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

kawan I yang lakinya contractor

I met this blonde diva(dari jauh mcm ayam pon ada) by accident in pasefakebook.Kat mana lagi kan nak jumpa horang2 mcm ni.Well,we had known for each other more than 20 years.She was my ex-schoolmate actually.Nak dijadikan cerita she called me last few months ago asking me to berjejak kasihan with her and two others include Kak Jan no1(this time we both not in crisis yet).I ni malas actually nak berjumpa2 segala dng horang2 yg sangat jelas intention nya adalah nak menunjuk saja kejanya plus psycho,never change langsung.Belum jumpa pon I da tahu cause tengok je la apa yg di update in her wall e.g:thanks for my hubby dotdot give me present,igt kn xdpt ape2 this year,tq very2 much,bgun tdo jer dh ade kotak besar atas sofa...,petang ni aku nk p serang org...sape nak join.jom r.pukimak,aku xknl ko saper...tau2 nk msj yg bukan2.ko silap org lh wey.That why I malas nak bersosial dng horang2 begini but when Kak Jan no1 pujuk2 I dan berkata"alah b,bukan selalu pon" and hence Ash juga ntah angin apa ntah bagi i the green light as long as tempat yg I nak berjejak kasihan itu mestilah near by his parent's house.

Seperti yg dijanjikan I la the 1st person yg muncul at the crime scene,dekat kan.Diikuti dng Kak Jan no1 and the last persons,of course la the blonde diva and her friend.Memang ni la the fist and last time,tobat I tak hengen jumpa dng horang mcm ni.Sampai2 je riuh sekedai dng gelak puaka her but what do I expect kan from pompuan bimbo begini.Then boleh tanya I"korang da order ye?aku nak makan steak la,ada tak b?"Sambil membelek menu.Sah2la restoran yg we guys lepaking itu just served Chinese food sesaja beside that terpampang menu kat lua restoran tu.Next time cakap la siang2 yg u tu bernapsu western saja bab2 mentedarah ni so tahu la I nk bawak u p mana.Then seperti yg I jangka,the blonde diva pon start the action.She told me that her husband is a contractor and now so busy body dng project juta2(please la)at Putrajaya nun.Ringan je mulut I ni nak tanya her " dapat projek mega ke?Mrt project?"but nti dikatakan i ni jealous pulak.According to a very realible source,her laki memang la was a controctor, but kelas ef aje,contractor kecil2lan gitu yg selalunya dpt small small project which the payment sangat la lambat and alahai lah.Ye la sepengetahuan i kan both lakibinik cukup2 SPM jer.She asked me about my laki punya kerja then I told her la that my laki kerja as a "kuli je" yg ber linked dng Khazanah Nasional Berhad.Agak2 tis blonde diva tahu ke Khazanah tu apa kebendanya?She said that she's was menolong lakinya di opis so banyak la masa her to ber soSial sana sini.Kata her lagi that she always lepaking at Holiday Inn,Gleanmarie nun menonton live band then she asked me that I ni reti ke lepaking at that kind of place?So I told her that before menikah dulu(zaman-zaman centa Him and Bang Hj)ada la juga but I tak pegi to her place la,normally I went to KL area sajer,i.e:Royale Chulan and HRC.Blonde diva speechless.

Well,within 2 hour tu banyak la benda yg di borakan.Kak Jan no1 mcm biasa la duk moan about her ex-laki yg premature ejaculation itu and I was prefered to be a good listerner,menjawab bila ditanya.Bagi chance la to tis blonde diva and her friend bercerita,their life is better than me and Kak Jan no1 kan.Suddenly,someone was calling tis blonde diva,video call tu."yes,baby kelua dng kawan ni,nti kita jumpa la"Siap tunjuk lagi to her caller muka I and the others.Tahu la I yg tipon tu was her jantan simpanan, eh ke that jantan yg simpan her?She told us that pandai makan pandai simpan la beside that tak kan laki her sorang je yg boleh makan luar kan.Tis blonde diva juga bagi I tips how to menjaga laki and suruh I beranak cepat2 cause she want to know anak I nti mcm mana rupanya.Ye la she was married for almost 9 years kan,pandai jaga anak and laki.That why la kejap2 laki duk call tanya kat mana."Mama kelua dng biah la papa"Laki call baru sedau diri tu mak org if not baby2 saja.Yang buat I tak menahan nak tergelak setan is when tis blonde diva kejap2 keluakan her compact powder brand Silkygirl nya itu(i yg mesken ni pon pakai Anna Sui tau)from her Loewe(tak reti I nak pronounce)handbag uptown mari and membelek2 ropanya yg sekali senyum ada iras2 Kak Joyah Kutub Utara Kutub Selatan.Gatal je mata i nk tengok her 3 inch wedge tu brand hape,kahkah...Belum kira dress merah bunga2 besar penumbuk yg sangat jinjang itu.Nak haje I tanya beli kat mana?Nak bimbo pon biar la kena pd gayanya.Tak padan langsung ok.So I yg ber tunic and ber handbag Zara je tak de la rasa mesken sangat.

The best part is bila nak balik tu I thought tis blonde diva la yg will be a volunteers to pay the bill,awal-awal lagi da cakap"bill baya asing2 k"Then siap suruh I and Kak Jan no1 bayakan for her dulu cause she tak hade cash,later baru nak cari atm.Laki contractor tu,tak kan tak hade cash sikit pon or credit card?Beside that bill xsampai RM100 pon kak non oi if u tak hover tadi,sure i don't mind bayakan for u.Apa pon horang2 mcm ni xde la sekeji org2 yg suka jaga tepi kain org kan.So I tak de kisah sangat pon, at least ada benda la yg I boleh jadikan bahan gelak.On the way back Kak Jan no1 tanya I,tak hendak ke I simpan jantan senyap2,ye la since my marriege pon tak berapa nak happy kan.Therefore,ada la sebab sunat why i must berselingkuh.I have no words.No comment.She was married before so I guess she know la yg berselingkuh,while we're still binik org ni paedahnya kejap je.Kalau masuk court nti I la yg banyak kemaluan nak2 lagi bila menikah dng jantan yg claim dirinya come from baik2 family ni,kayap rayap and banyak kenalan.If I berfoya2 in public area sah2 get caught punya but let say I berpelokcium dng jantan in Luna Bar sekali pon percentage I nak kena cekup is still high ok.Muka I ni nampak nak berjantan sangat ke?Tak payah susah2 Bang Hj selalu ada for me,mcm tak ada jantan lain...

Sayangku,
jangan kau persoalkan siap dihatiku
terukir dibintang tak mungkin hilang cintaku padamu
(sudah2letu)